Talkin’ Leviticus Blues (Live)

Lyrics

I was driving to a gig just the other day When president Obama said marriage was okay Not just for the straights but also for the gays And like most Americans, I was amazed Gay people have to get married now? Haven't they suffered enough? But I figured fair was fair, I was cool with it When I got to my gig this guy told me the president was evil Said it was written all there in his bible I looked over his shoulder I said what book is this? He said the all mighty book of Leviticus Check it out John, chapter eighteen verse twenty two No dude should lie down with another dude I mean that's a paraphrase, but that's basically what it said Now I had gone to catholic school but I had forgotten that little rule So I borrowed his bible, I kept reading on Wanted to see what else Leviticus thought was wrong So here's a list of some other things Leviticus thinks is wrong I hope that's okay Oh Leviticus, Leviticus You're in the bible so they take you serious Are you too old? Are you still relevant, oh my sweet Leviticus? Chapter nineteen, verse nineteen said a few interesting things It said don't let cows graze with other kinds of cows Don't plant more than one crop in the same field And don't wear clothes made of more than one kind of fabric Hmm I pause here to let that sink in I also pause because not much rhymes with fabric Chapter nineteen, verse twenty seven says you Shouldn't cut your hair or shave your beard ever I know to most of us it doesn't sound like much fun But I've got some hippy friends out in California, they love that one Verse four of chapter twenty says you should be stoned to death if you curse your mommy or your daddy Verse fourteen of chapter twenty four says you should be stoned to death if you ever blasphemed the lord Ouch I should mention, there's a lot of stoning to death in this book And if any of my hippy friends from California are here tonight And they don't know what stoning to death means Come talk to me after the show You're not gonna like it Chapter eleven, verses four through seven Gave a list of animals thou shalt not eat I read it to them First, camel No problem Next, rabbit Okay Third, pig Ugh oh He looked nervous He had that look, that look of I still want to be intolerant But I also want to eat bacon Finally, we got to the big one Chapter eighteen verse twenty two Whenever two men lay together, they should be stoned Well, sounds good to me Oh Leviticus, Leviticus You're in the bible so they take you serious Are you too old? Are you still relevant, oh my sweet Leviticus? I was having fun reading and learning all this stuff When the guy grabbed his bible and told me to stop Packed up his things, ran off real quick It was the first time in history where a guy with a bible Actually forced someone to stop reading It was great Now the election is over, I don't care about your vote And I don't care what your religion is I would just hope if people could get worked up over stuff like that Then maybe they could get worked up about stuff That is way way way more important Yeah Like feeding people, healing sick people, loving your neighbor You know, no big deal Just all that Jesus stuff