Gee, Officer Krupke

Lyrics

[RIFF, spoken] See them cops? They believe everything they read in the papers about us cruddy JDs So that's what we give 'em Somethin' to believe in [TIGER (imitating KRUPKE), spoken] Hey, you! [RIFF, spoken] Who, me, Officer Krupke? [TIGER (imitating KRUPKE), spoken] Yeah, you! Gimme one good reason for not draggin' ya down to the station house Ya punk! [RIFF] Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke Ya gotta understand It's just our bringin' upke That gets us outta hand Our mothers all are junkies Our fathers all are drunks Golly Moses, naturally we're punks! [RIFF & JETS] Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset; We never had the love that every child oughta get We ain't no delinquents We're misunderstood Deep down inside us there is good! [RIFF] There is good! [ALL] There is good, there is good There is untapped good Like inside, the worst of us is good [TIGER, spoken] That's a touchin' good story! [RIFF, spoken] Lemme tell it to the world! [TIGER, spoken] Just tell it to the Judge! [RIFF] Dear kindly Judge, your Honor My parents treat me rough With all their marijuana They won't give me a puff They didn't wanna have me But somehow I was had Leapin' lizards — that's why I'm so bad! [SNOWBOY] Right! Officer Krupke, you're really a square; This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care! It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed He's psychologically disturbed! [RIFF] I'm disturbed! [ALL] We're disturbed, we're disturbed We're the most disturbed Like we're psychologically disturbed [SNOWBOY, spoken] Hear ye, Hear ye! In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home.  [RIFF, spoken] Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived! [SNOWBOY, spoken] So take him to a headshrinker.  You! [ACTION] Who me? [RIFF] My Daddy beats my Mommy My Mommy clobbers me My Grandpa is a Commie My Grandma pushes tea My sister wears a mustache My brother wears a dress Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess! [ACTION] Yes! Officer Krupke, he shouldn't be here This boy don't need a couch, he needs a useful career Society's played him a terrible trick And sociologically he's sick! [RIFF] I am sick! [ALL] We are sick, we are sick We are sick, sick, sick Like we're sociologically sick! [ACTION, spoken] In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease.  [RIFF, spoken] Hey, I got a social disease! [ACTION, spoken] So take him to a social worker! [BIG DEAL, spoken] Which way? [ACTION, spoken] That way [RIFF] Dear kindly social worker They tell me get a job Like be a soda-jerker Which means like be a slob It's not I'm anti-social I'm only anti-work Gloryosky, that's why I'm a jerk! [A-RAB] Eek! Officer Krupke, you've done it again! This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the Pen! It ain't just a question of misunderstood; Deep down inside him, he's no good! [RIFF] I'm no good! [ALL] We're no good, we're no good We're no earthly good Like the best of us is no damn good! [SNOWBOY] The trouble is he's lazy! [JOYBOY] The trouble is he drinks! [BABY JOHN] The trouble is he's crazy! [A-RAB] The trouble is he stinks! [MOUTHPIECE] The trouble is he's growing! [ACTION] The trouble is he's grown! [ALL] Krupke, we've got troubles of our own! Gee, Officer Krupke We're down on our knees [RIFF] 'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease [ALL] Gee, Officer Krupke What are we to do? Gee, Officer Krupke— Krup you!