Auto-da-fé

Lyrics

[ENSEMBLE] What a day, what a day For an auto-da-fé! What a sunny summer sky! What a day, what a day For an auto-da-fé! It's a lovely day for drinking And for watching people fry! Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Watch 'em die! [MEN] Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry [ENSEMBLE] Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Hang 'em high! [BEAR-KEEPER] See the great Russian bear! [COSMETIC MERCHANT] Buy a comb for your hair! [WOMEN] But the price is much too high! [DOCTOR] Here be potions and pills For your fevers and chills! [WOMEN] But we haven't any money So there's nothing we can buy! [JUNKMAN] Any kind of metal Any kind of metal Any kind of metal Bought and sold! [ALCHEMIST] Any kind of metal Any kind of metal Any kind of metal Turned to gold! [JUNKMAN & ALCHEMIST] Pots and pans Metal cans [JUNKMAN] Bought or traded or sold! [ALCHEMIST] I can turn them into gold! [JUNKMAN & ALCHEMIST] Pans and pots And what-nots! [JUNKMAN] Trading new ones for old! [ALCHEMIST] For a tiny fee My alchemy Can turn them into gold! [MEN] Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry [ENSEMBLE] Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Come and buy! Hah! [MEN] Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry [ENSEMBLE] Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Hurry, hurry, hurry Come and try! What a fair, what a fair! Things to buy everywherе But the prices are too high! It's not fair, it's not fair Things to buy еverywhere But we haven't any money So there's nothing we can buy! [PANGLOSS, spoken] But you can't execute me; I'm too sick to die! [ENSEMBLE, spoken] What d'ya mean sick? [PANGLOSS] Oh my darling Paquette She is haunting me yet With a dear souvenir I shall never forget 'Twas a gift that she got From a seafaring Scot He received he believed in Shalott! In Shalott from his dame Who was certain it came With a kiss from a Swiss (She'd forgotten his name) But he told her that he Had been given it free By a sweet little cheat in Paree Then a man from Japan Then a Moor from Iran But the Moor isn't sure How the whole thing began But the gift you can see Had a long pedigree When at last it was passed on to me! [ENSEMBLE] Then a man from Japan Then a Moor from Iran Though the Moor isn't sure How the whole thing began But the gift we can see Had a long pedigree When at last it was passed on to he! [PANGLOSS] Love is sweet, love is sweet And the custom is sound For it makes the world go 'round [CANDIDE & PANGLOSS] I repeat, love is sweet And the custom is sound For as we/I have shown it's love alone That makes the world go 'round [PANGLOSS] Well, the Moor in the end Spent a night with a friend And the dear souvenir Just continued the trend To a young English lord Who was stung, they record By a wasp in a hospital ward! Well, the wasp on the wing Had occasion to sting A Milano soprano Who brought home the thing To her young paramour Who was rendered impure And forsook her to look for the cure Thus he happened to pass Through Westphalia, alas Where he met with Paquette And she drank from his glass I was pleased as could be When it came back to me Makes us all just a small family! [ENSEMBLE] Oh, he happened to pass Through Westphalia, alas Where he met with Paquette And she drank from his glass [PANGLOSS & ENSEMBLE] I am/He is pleased as can be For it shows us/him that we One and all are a small family! [ENSEMBLE] What a day, what a day For an auto-da-fé! What a lovely day for drinking And for watching people fry! What a day, what a day Oh, what a day, what a day Oh, what a day What a perfect day for hanging! [GRAND INQUISITOR, spoken] Silence! [INQUISITORS] Shall we let the sinners go or try them? [MEN] Try them [INQUISITORS] Are the culprits innocent or guilty? [MEN] Guilty [INQUISITORS] Shall we pardon them or hang them? [MEN] Hang them [ENSEMBLE] What a lovely day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! What a lovely day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! He don't mix meat and dairy He don't eat humble pie So sing a miserere And hang the bastard high! [INQUISITORS] Are our methods legal or illegal? [MEN] Legal [INQUISITORS] Are we judges of the law, or laymen? [MEN] Amen [INQUISITORS] Shall we hang them or forget them? [MEN] Get them! [ENSEMBLE] What a perfect day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! What a perfect day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! When foreigners like this come To criticize and spy We chant a pax vobiscum And hang the bastard high! [GRAND INQUISITOR, spoken] The supreme moment has arrived All ye faithful—genuflect! [ENSEMBLE] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, pray for us, pray for us! [INQUISITORS] Fons pietatis [ENSEMBLE] Pray for us! [INQUISITORS] Davidis turris [ENSEMBLE] Pray for us! [INQUISITORS] Rex majestatis [ENSEMBLE] Pray for us! [INQUISITORS] Davidis turris [ENSEMBLE] Pray for us! [INQUISITORS & ENSEMBLE] Fons pietatis, pray for us! Davidis turris, pray for us! [ENSEMBLE] Pray for us! Pray for us! Pray for us! Pray for us! [The crowd scatters in fear.] [PANGLOSS, spoken] Ladies and gentlemen, one final word God in his wisdom made it possible to invent the rope... Aaargh [ENSEMBLE] What a lovely day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! What a lovely day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! What a lovely day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! What a lovely day, what a jolly day What a day for a holiday! At last we can be cheery The danger's passed us by So sing a Dies Irae And hang the bastard high! Oh, what a day!