My Story

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Jean Grae] "If I could swim a thousand lakes to bring your life back..." I write That, but infinity can't rewind facts. You are Divinity. My primitive mind was struggling Just to understand the meaning of life, forgive me I never told my mommy, I couldn't break her spirit. She always Wished her daughter extraordinary thinking, so I Traveled alone, young, sixteen, got in The habit of not staying at home, doing the Sad walk like Bill Bixby, a dollar fifty Trips to the hospital so that Medicaid could fix me I couldn't eat shit. I fainted frequent On cold floors and I pause and I think, "Keep it" I'm lost. My four friends know and just Fuck at the boys' apartments for rent, so I'm all Wishing that it's a dream ending soon. I've actually Erased a lot that I've been through [Hook: Jean Grae] See, when The rain comes down I know it's falling for me And only for me And when The pain comes around, there's nowhere Else I rather would be I know what I've done (Please forgive me) [Verse 2: Jean Grae] Now all my bitter homies saying, "That's what men do." Feeling Retarded for seeing partner potential. On top Of that, the doctors telling me a heart murmur. I can't Take it, I'm contemplating a Glock burner, a Cop murderer. I can't leave. This can't be The tears streaming, and I can't see they lanced me And I'm passing out, and this is just for blood. They had To cover the mass amounts. I've had enough And you don't know what it's like in waiting rooms, and out- -side, their picketing pictures could slay you They're screaming, "Victims," and spitting 'til they shame you I hold my head low and shiver, push my way through They put you in a room where you can change into Your gown and shower cap, shaking as a fiend would do And that's when you think of leaving, fleeing the building And then they call you and you're hearing the call of your children They count down from ten now. You wanna stop 'em, but You say it in your head: you're out for the cut And then you wake up in another room with plenty others They call it recovery. You're thinking, "We ain't mothers" And then prescription pills, written a 'script with chills An understatement. You're dressed but you're naked still And your brain won't think straight Wait. Can't finish this [Hook: Jean Grae] See, when The rain comes down I know it's falling for me And only for me And when The pain comes around, there's nowhere Else I rather would be I know what I've done (Please forgive me) [Verse 3: Jean Grae] I kept it bottled up. My parents found the pills Screaming, "God what have you done?" Cried 'til I snotted blood Then got a gun. My temple ran quick though From the thought, then the worst: I was caught in the same place A year later. For me, that's when hatred started My faith martyred. I've dated the father of a father Then I moved on. Years passed, the guilt's Worse and it builds 'til your heart's smashed Then I miscarried. Twenty-two age, I was headed to A breakdown, swallowed up some pills and I laid down I was a failure at that too, bailed from The rap then, but fate took me back in "Sing" is a tattoo my fingers attached with. Twenty-seven With three kids that I never met. What if I Was Catholic? Wonder if they hate me, thinking how Their mother could ever murder? Well take me, Hell To the depths where the brimstone chokes me constantly I am a monster, see. How could I possibly Correspond with God when I gave the authority To end their life? But it's never over, even if we have a child They could have had a brother or a sister or both I'm thinking about another life that almost got close Praying that, in another time, we could have changed posts If I could just reverse time, I would I don't know what I would do. Honestly, it's not good I'm sorry...