99 Problems

Lyrics

[Produced by Rick Rubin] [Intro] If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, sonI got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one [Verse 1] I've got the Rap Patrol on the gat patrol Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed Rap critics that say he's Money, Cash, Hoes I'm from the hood, stupid! What type of facts are those? If you grew up with holes in your zapatos You'd celebrate the minute you was havin' dough I'm like, "Fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole! If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward" Got beef with radio if I don't play they showThey don't play my hits, well, I don't give a shit, so Rap mags try and use my black assSo advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads Fuckers, I don't know what you take me asOr understand the intelligence that Jay Z has I'm from rags to riches, niggas, I ain't dumb I got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one – hit me! [Chorus] Ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't oneIf you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, sonI got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one – hit me! [Verse 2] The year is '94, in my trunk is raw In my rearview mirror is the motherfuckin' law Got two choices, y'all: pull over the car orBounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor And I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jake Plus I got a few dollars, I can fight the case So I pull over to the side of the roadI heard, "Son, do you know why I'm stopping you for?" "'Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low?Do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?" "Well, you was doing fifty-five in a fifty-four License and registration and step out of the car Are you carrying a weapon on you? I know a lot of you are" I ain't steppin' out of shit, all my paper's legit "Well, do you mind if I look around the car a little bit?" Well, my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the backAnd I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that "Aren't you sharp as a tack?You some type of lawyer or something?Somebody important or something?" Well, I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit Enough that you won't illegally search my shit "Well, we'll see how smart you are when the K9 come!" I got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one – hit me! [Chorus] Ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't oneIf you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, sonI got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one – hit me!Ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't oneIf you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, sonI got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one [Verse 3] Now once upon a time not too long ago A nigga like myself had to strong-arm a hoThis is not a ho in the sense of havin' a pussyBut a pussy havin' no goddamn sense, try and push me I try to ignore him, talk to the Lord Pray for him, but some fools just love to perform You know the type, loud as a motorbikeBut wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight And only thing that's gon' happen is I'ma get to clappin' And he and his boys gonna be yappin' to the Captain And there I go, trapped in the Kit-Kat again Back through the system with the riff-raff again Fiends on the floor, scratchin' again Paparazzis with they cameras, snappin' 'em D.A. try to give a nigga shaft againHalf a mil' for bail 'cause I'm African All because this fool was harassin' them Tryin' to play the boy like he's saccharine But ain't nothin' sweet 'bout how I hold my gun I got ninety-nine problems, bein' a bitch ain't one – hit me! [Chorus] Ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't oneIf you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, sonI got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one – hit me! [Outro] You crazy for this one, Rick It's your boy