Property of Spiker and Sponge

Lyrics

[AUNT SPIKER & SPONGE] Ha! [SPIKER] Wretched families dragging heavy pockets Ruby pendants, solid silver lockets We can help relieve you of some pounds! [SPONGE, spoken] Are you callin' me fat? [SPIKER, spoken] I'm referring to money, pigeon-brain.  [SPONGE, spoken] Oh.  [SPIKER, sung] They're distracted Look at me, I'm stunning [SPONGE] I swoop in So masterfully cunning [SPIKER] We get rich! [SPONGE] I do like how that sounds! [SPIKER & SPONGE] Ha, ha, ha! [SPIKER] So hard to resist [SPONGE] And if it slips from your wrist [SPIKER & SPONGE] Too bad! It's property of Spiker and Sponge [SPIKER] And heaven forbid [SPONGE] You might be missin' some quid [SPIKER & SPONGE] Boo-hoo! It's property of Spiker and Sponge You can comb the ground Check the lost and found Did you leave it in the gift shop? [SPIKER] Well, isn't it queer? [SPONGE] How a purse can appear [SPIKER & SPONGE] It's property of Spiker and Sponge! [BILLY & BOBBY BOBBY-COP, spoken] Spiker and Sponge, we presume? [SPONGE, spoken] We didn't do it! [BILLY, spoken] As long as you keep them contributions to the policeman's fund up to date, we've got no trouble with you.  [SPIKER, spoken] How can we be of help to such a handsome representative of Scotland Yard? [BOBBY, spoken] Got an official telegram for the two of you.  [SPONGE, spoken] Thanks, mate! [SPIKER, spoken] What's it say? What's it say? [SPONGE, spoken] It says... we're havin' a baby? [SPIKER, spoken] Oh, give that to me. It seems we are the only living relatives to an orphan, child, thingy, named James...  [SPIKER & SPONGE, spoken] Eww.  [SPIKER, sung] Holy devil Nasty pukin' babies [SPONGE] So revolting Chicken pox and rabies [SPIKER] Grab a shovel Start to dig my grave! [SPONGE, spoken] Just imagine a lice-infested boy, loafin' about the house! [SPIKER] Not so quickly Yes, we could bemoan it But there's no need to Technically, we own it James can be Our helper monkey slave! We'll put him to use! [SPONGE] He'll be our private masseuse [ENSEMBLE] He's property of Spiker and Sponge [SPIKER] He'll wash all our clothes [SPONGE] And scrape the jam from our toes [ENSEMBLE] He's property of Spiker and Sponge [SPIKER, spoken] Oh, there he is! [SPONGE, spoken] Oh, my dear lovely cousin.  [SPIKER, spoken] Nephew.  [SPONGE, spoken] Nephew! Oh, my dear little nephew, Jack.  [JAMES, spoken] It's James.  [SPIKER, spoken] Oh, Jeff, how we've missed you.  [SPONGE, spoken] He does come with some sort of payment, doesn't he? [SPIKER, spoken] A boy his age can eat his weight in food twice a day.  [MATRON NURSE, spoken] You'll be paid twenty-seven pounds a week to care for the boy.  [SPIKER & SPONGE, spoken] Huzzah! [SPIKER & SPONGE, sung] Don't you worry He'll be taken care of Not a worry- [SPIKER] Not that he's aware of [SPIKER & SPONGE] He'll forget his folks are even dead! He'll... be... raised...  Properly, properly, properly By Spiker and Sponge [SPIKER, spoken] Bye now! [SPONGE, spoken] Welcome to the family, moron.  [SPIKER, sung] Wipe off that grin [SPONGE] And let the torture begin! [COMPANY] You're property of Spiker and Sponge [SPIKER] Before you unpack [SPONGE] You'll shave the hair off my back [COMPANY] You're property of Spiker and Sponge [SPIKER & SPONGE] What a scrumptious joy Now we own the boy He'll work and never stop [COMPANY] So do as you're told Or you'll be auctioned and sold Because you're property Of Spiker and Sponge! [SPIKER & SPONGE] Bah dah dah dah dah dah dah, ha ha ha!