Everybody Ought To Have A Maid

Lyrics

[SENEX, spoken] Maids like me. I'm neat.  I like maids. They're neat.  Something no household should be without.  (sung) Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Everybody ought to have a working girl Everybody ought to have a lurking girl To putter around the house Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Everybody ought to have a menial Consistently congenial And quieter than a mouse Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delicious Tidying up the dishes Neat as a pin? Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delightful Sweeping out, sleeping in? Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Someone who you hire When you're short of help To offer you the sort of help You never get from a spouse Fluttering up the stairway Shuttering up the windows Cluttering up the bedroom Buttering up the master Puttering all around the house! Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delicious Tidying up the dishes Neat as a pin? Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delightful Sweeping out, sleeping in? Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Someone who, when fetching you your slipper, will Be winsome as a whippoorwill And graceful as a grouse Skittering down the hallway Flittering through the parlor Tittering in the pantry Littering up the bedroom [SENEX & PSEUDOLUS] Twittering all around the house! [HYSTERIUM] A maid? [SENEX] A maid [PSEUDOLUS] A maid [SENEX. PSEUDOLUS & HYSTERIUM] A maid! Everybody ought to have a maid Everybody ought to have a serving girl A loyal and unswerving girl Who's quieter than a mouse [HYSTERIUM] Oh! Oh! Think of her at the dustbin 'Specially when she's just been Traipsing about [SENEX, PSEUDOLUS & HYSTERIUM] Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delightful [HYSTERIUM] Living in... [SENEX] Giving out... [SENEX, PSEUDOLUS & HYSTERIUM] Everybody ought to have a maid Daintily collecting bits of paper 'n' strings Appealing in her apron strings And graceful as a grouse [HYSTERIUM] Pattering through the attic [SENEX] Chattering in the cellar [PSEUDOLUS] Clattering in the kitchen [SENEX] Flattering in the bedroom [SENEX, PSEUDOLUS & HYSTERIUM] Puttering all around the house! The house! The house! The house! [LYCUS] A maid? [HYSTERIUM] A maid [SENEX] A maid [PSEUDOLUS] A maid! [SENEX, PSEUDOLUS, HYSTERIUM & LYCUS] Everybody ought to have a maid Someone who's efficient and reliable Obedient and pliable And quieter than a mouse! Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be so nimble Fiddling with her thimble Mending her gown? Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delightful [LYCUS] Cleaning up... [SENEX] Leaning down! [SENEX, PSEUDOLUS, HYSTERIUM & LYCUS] Everybody ought to have a maid Someone who'll be busy as a bumblebee And even if you grumble, be As graceful as a grouse! [LYCUS] Wriggling in the anteroom [HYSTERIUM] Jiggling in the dining room [PSEUDOLUS] Giggling in the living room [SENEX] Wiggling in the other rooms [SENEX, PSEUDOLUS, HYSTERIUM & LYCUS] Puttering all around the house! The house! The house! The house!