I’ve Brushed My Teeth

Lyrics

[GENERAL SNOOKFIELD] I've brushed my teeth, and I've washed my face And I've had a fine shampoo What more can a general do When his troops are on review? [FOUR DIGNITARIES] He's combed his hair, and he's had a shave And his underwear is new [DIGNITARIES] What more, what more, what more can a general do When his troops are on review? When his troops are on review? [GENERAL SNOOKFIELD, spoken] Lieutenant, is the army all set for the revolution? [LIEUTENANT, spoken] Yes, sir [GENERAL SNOOKFIELD, spoken] Now when I give the signal, you will seize the President [LIEUTENANT, spoken] Yes, sir [GENERAL SNOOKFIELD, spoken] Remember, not a move until I give the signal [LIEUTENANT, spoken] Yes, sir [DIGNITARY, spoken] The President of the United States [TWEEDLEDEE, spoken] My fellow soldiers [ARMY, spoken] Hooray [TWEEDLEDEE, spoken] Again we are gathered to celebrate the natal day Of this great and glorious United States of America [ARMY, spoken] Hooray [TWEEDLEDEE, spoken] On July the fourth, exactly one hundred and more Exactly more than one hundred years ago Christopher Columbus And his dirty little band of pilgrim fathers And mothers Landed on Bunker Hill [ARMY, spoken] Hooray? [TWEEDLEDEE, spoken] In the words of the immortal Stephen Douglas— General, where are you going? [GENERAL SNOOKFIELD, spoken] I'm sorry, Mister President, but Daisy's giving a party [TWEEDLEDEE, spoken] She is? [GENERAL SNOOKFIELD, spoken] Yes [TWEEDLEDEE, spoken] Same room? [GENERAL SNOOKFIELD, spoken] Right [TWEEDLEDEE, spoken] Ha ha ha In the words of the immortal James M. Beck It cannot be said that if we are dancing from an old order to a new That such a fate was not within the anticipation of the fathers Washington in his farewell address furthermore says that— [Bugle plays.] What's this? What's going on here? [BLUE SHIRTS] On and on and on Hither and thither and yon It seems to be the thing For marching men to sing "On and on and on" So— On and on and on Hither and thither and yon For movements military There's no itinerary Like on and on and on On and on and on [TWEEDLEDEE] What's this? What is this? What's this? [WINTERGREEN] John P. Tweedledee I call upon you to surrender the government of these United States [BLUE SHIRTS & ARMY, spoken] Hooray [TWEEDLEDEE] By whose authority? [WINTERGREEN] By the only real authority The authority of the American people [BLUE SHIRTS & ARMY, spoken] Hooray [TWEEDLEDEE] We'll see about that General, arrest that man [WINTERGREEN] General, arrest that man [TWEEDLEDEE] Where's the General? [WINTERGREEN] Yes, where's the General? [TWEEDLEDEE] Have you seen the General? [WINTERGREEN] Have you seen the General? [TWEEDLEDEE] He was here a minute ago [TWEEDLEDEE & WINTERGREEN] General Snookfield!