Bras On 45 (Dirty Gertie Version)

Lyrics

Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Well I went out for a boogie, a week ago last Tuesday I was doing the Wigan Hustle and the Palais Glide I met a girl in big suspenders, and her boswams were stupendous Like two bald-headed men sitting side by side She wore a bra size forty-five, and she could jump and jive And when she stopped dancing, bits of her kept wobbling about She said "you drive me crazy, burn some rubber on me, baby" She grabbed my little whistle, and she began to shout Hit me with your rhythm stick, hit me, hit me Je t'adore, ich liebe dich, hit me, hit me, hit me Hit me with your rhythm stick, I'm six feet tall and five feet thick Hit me, hit me, hit me! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five I couldn't do nothing but stand and stare She gave me a hug like a grizzly bear I couldn't see much, I thought I was dead I had boobs upside my head Boobs upside my head, boobs upside my head [Tune switches to "Baggy Trousers" by Madness] Oh, what a front she had! Enough for me, my brother and dad A chest of drawers no doubt, one with the top drawer half-pulled out Oh, what a front she'd got! Believe me son, she'd got the lot Right before my eyes, and she was bra size forty-five Erm, excuse me, what do I do now? Man, be cool - gotta get down and have a rap I beg your pardon? I think I'll do a talking bit instead! She was the big economy size, her boswams were gigantic Like two fat little boys wrestling under a blanket The flickering strobes lit up the globes that thrust from her pullover I think her name was June, 'cause she was busting out all over She said, "Can you feel the force, do y'wanna take one step beyond?" I said, "Goodness gracious, great balls of fire, there's a whole lotta shaking going on!" She said, "Knock on wood, I'll blame it on the boogie, now what do ya think about that?" I said, "Ooh heck, it must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that!" Not so much of the night fever, more like a belt with a tire lever She was not at all pendulous, in fact she was tremendulous! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five She wore a bra size forty-five, and when they played "I Will Survive" She went crackers, and her animal desires became much keener She said "John I'm only dancing, but I'd rather be romancing" She had me inside out and upside down in the back of my Cortina Hit me with your rhythm stick... [Tune switches to "Cars" by Gary Numan] And there in my car, the windows all steamed up I thought I would drown, she let it all hang out in bras (size forty-five) And there in my car, I thought "this is it," an instant replay My foot out the window in bras (size forty-five) [Tune switches to "Swords of a Thousand Men" by Tenpole Tudor] Hoo-rah, hoo-rah, hoo-rah-ay Over the hills and now I'm on my way I got out my tent pole and chewed 'er Hoo-rah, hoo-rah, hoo-rah-ay Over the hills and now I'm on my way Come on, let's do the Bristol Stomp! [Back to "Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick"] She wore a bra size forty-five, I thought I never would revive When I tackled that young lady with the bounciest of blouses But she left me for a geezer who had much more chance to please her With his own master blaster and a pair of baggy trousers Oh, what fun they had! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five And that's why, and that's why And that's why, and that's why... I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker And it does me good, like it bloody well should I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker And I'm always pullin' my pud! I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker And it does me good, like it bloody well should I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker And I'm always pullin' my pud! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Thanks for the mammary, I think I've got it sussed Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five You've seen one, you've seen them both, I'm gonna go for bust Don't they make a lovely pair? They look like a couple of Himalayas! Double top, boogie on down, Bristol is my favorite town Everybody understands, arthritis in both hands She's a disco bumper, she's got a lumpy jumper Cross your heart and hope to die, please don't poke me in the eye I know a girl from Potter's Bar, got eaten by her living bra Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five I said baby, oh baby Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Surround me, drown me, engulf me Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Chew me up and spit me out Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Let me shipwreck against those white cliffs of Dover Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Get back, Leroy! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Get back, Leroy! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five I wanna be Mr. In-Between Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Oo-wee! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five She was a bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Have you ever seen anything like that? Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Come on, let's do the Bristol Stomp, UH! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five [motorboat sounds] Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five You know, when you see things like that You just want to walk up to 'em Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five And stick your head between them, and go... Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Wow! Bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five What a stupendous lady Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five You don't get many of those to the pound, ooh! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Kick 'em over your shoulders Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Double top, boogie on down, Bristol is my favorite town, ooh! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Great balls of fire, there's a whole lotta shaking going on Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five It must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that, uh! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Look, there's a lady police officer! Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five Can you feel the force? Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five