Lyrics

Good evening, I'm from Essex In case you couldn't tell, my given name is Dickie I come from Billericay and I'm doing very well Had a love affair with Nina in the back of my Cortina A seasoned-up hyena could not have been more obscener She took me to the cleaners and other misdemeanours But I got right up between her rum and her Ribena Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky if candy-floss is sticky I'm not a blinking thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well I bought a lot of Brandy when I was courting Sandy Took eight to make her randy and all I had was shandy Another thing with Sandy what often came in handy Was passing her and Mandy she didn't half go bandy So, you ask Joyce and Vicky if I ever took the mickey I'm not a flipping thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well I'd rendez-vous with Janet, quite near the Isle of Thanet She looked more like a gannet, she wasn't half a prannet Her mother tried to ban it, her father helped me plan it And when I captured Janet, she bruised her pomegranate Oh, you ask Joyce and Vicky if I ever shaped up tricky I'm not a blooming thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well You should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been The jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine So, you ask Joyce and Vicky who's there favourite brickie I'm not a common thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse Kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness My given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay I thought you'd never guess So, you ask Joyce and Vicky a pair of squeaky chickies I'm not a flaming thicky, I'm Billericay Dicky And I'm doing very well Oh golly, oh gosh, come and lie on the couch With a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch My given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay And I ain't a slouch So, you ask Joyce and Vicky about Billericay Dickie I ain't an effing thicky, you ask Joyce and Vicky I'm doing very well