The Sadder-But-Wiser Girl for Me

Lyrics

[HAROLD, spoken] No wide-eyed, eager Wholesome innocent Sunday school teacher for me That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever— Listen, boy— A girl who trades on all that purity Merely wants to trade my independence For her security [HAROLD] The only affirmative she will file Refers to marching down the aisle No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess No, sir! For no Diana do I play faun I can tell you that right now I snarl, I hiss How can ignorance be compared to bliss? I spark, I fizz For the lady who knows what time it is I cheer, I rave For the virtue I'm too late to save The sadder but wiser girl for me No bright-eyed, blushing Breathless baby-doll baby No, sir! That kinda child ties knots No sailor ever knew I prefer to take a chance On a more adult romance No dewy young miss who keeps resisting All the time she keeps insisting No wide-eyed, wholesome Innocent female No, sir! Why, she's the fisherman I'm the fish, you see? Plop! I flinch, I shy When the lass with the delicate air goes by I smile, I grin When the gal with a touch of sin walks in I shout [MARCELLUS] "At last!" [HAROLD] For the lady with a bitter past [HAROLD & MARCELLUS] The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me The sadder-but-wiser girl for me [HAROLD] No darling, adorable, true bein' chickadee [MARCELLUS] No, sir! [HAROLD] Not for me You'll wake up in a coop some morning To a cackle no rooster ever crooned [MARCELLUS] Caw-caw-caw! [HAROLD] I select a little more warily Forever mine, forever true, but temporarily The rainbow always goes away To come again some other day No wide-eyed, eager Wholesome innocent female [MARCELLUS] No, sir! [HAROLD] Her victims fall like Apples from her tree [MARCELLUS] Plop! [HAROLD] Plop! [MARCELLUS] Plop! [HAROLD] I flinch [MARCELLUS] I shy [HAROLD] I smile [MARCELLUS] I grin [HAROLD & MARCELLUS] I hope, I pray [HAROLD] For Hester to win just one more "A" [MARCELLUS, spoken] Woo! Here we go, Greg! [HAROLD, spoken] Come on! [HAROLD & MARCELLUS] The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me The sadder-but-wiser girl for me