Evil Witch Like Me

Lyrics

Why can't you be evil like I taught you? Why won't you misbehave the way you should, hmm? You never used the guillotine I bought you You're just not bad enough, for your own good Why can't you be mean like Aunt Eureka? She fed her victims 'til they almost burst! Then cooked them with a smidgen of paprika She always did her best to do her worst! We're witches, and witches are wicked! How many times have you been told? Your Great-Grandma Alexis crushed a kingdom with her hexes And that's the proud tradition I want you to uphold! Try to be as evil as your cousins Lucretia was the cruelest in the crowd She cooked up evil potions by the dozens Be just like her and make your mama proud We're witches, wizards, and warlocks! We're the reason honest people purchase door locks! We've turned princes into frogs Peasants into pheasants Soldiers and sailors into swine! We've never been accused of being angels But as for being devils, we're divine! All our clan was evil and malicious And that is how I want my girls to be Work hard at being vicious And if you're real ambitious You might wind up an evil witch like me A terrible, detestable, contemptible, despicable Evil mean old witch Ha ha ha ha ha! Like me! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!