Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw

Lyrics

[JACKIE, spoken] It's a quarter [JOE, spoken] Mama ain't got no money Hey Mama! [JOE, spoken & EMMIE, spoken] Where'd this money come from, you— (Leave her be, don't get her goin') [JACKIE, spoken] But it's a— [EMMIE, spoken] If she wanted to she'd of told you You know what happens to children who snoop? [JOE, spoken] What? [EMMIE, spoken] Once there was a boy Who asked his mama one too many questions and he died He died [JOE, spoken] Aw, shut up [EMMIE, spoken] He did! [JACKIE, spoken] For true? [EMMIE, spoken] For true [EMMIE] Once upon a time in a shack by a lake Live a boy and his mama so broke they break Ugliest child that you ever saw Name Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw DIdn't have a penny No, he didn't have any So he asked his ma Old Lady Coleslaw "Ma, I'm broke And Ma, I'm glum" And glory hallelujah to kingdom come Ma reach in her pockets [EMMIE, JACKIE & JOE] And she give him some [EMMIE] "Look here, Roosevelt, see here, Ro I got a penny" [JACKIE & JOE] "No, mama, no" [EMMIE] "I gots a nickel" [JACKIE & JOE] "Won't buy a pickle That's no go You way too slow" [EMMIE] "I got a dime" [JACKIE & JOE] "Now that's a crime" [EMMIE] "How 'bout a quarter?" [JACKIE & JOE] "Well, that's a starter" [EMMIE] "I got two" [JACKIE & JOE] Mama, I love you! [EMMIE] "Got three quarters To be spent" [EMMIE, JACKIE & JOE] "Pretty Mama Coleslaw! Seventy-five cent!" [NOAH] Caroline shows each silver quarter To her kids She's a divorcee "Thank God we can eat now Thanks to poor crazy Noah Who's just a stoopnagle Can't hang on to a quarter" But at least now at supper They talk about me [EMMIE, JACKIE & JOE] Sweet old Missus Coleslaw [EMMIE] She say, "Roosevelt, Roosevelt, have you a time Spend a little money at the five and dime" [JACKIE & JOE] But Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw [JOE] He born dumb, he say "Mama, oh Mama, where this change come from?" [JACKIE & JOE] "Mama, oh Mama, where this change come from?" [EMMIE] Mama went wild "I earnt it, child!" [EMMIE, JACKIE & JOE] Then she whacked him and she smacked him Upside his head But she hit too hard and the child dropped dead [JACKIE] And he sprouted wings and he flew up to heaven And heaven look like the Seven-Eleven [JOE] And all the stars of heaven they was pennies and dimes [EMMIE] Red-hot [JACKIE] Sweet-tart [EMMIE, JACKIE & JOE] Lemons and limes [EMMIE] Moon pie, food dye, Tootsie Pop [JACKIE & JOE] Pop gun, squirt gun, sticky bun Silly Putty, Nutty Butter, sixty-four colors In the Crayola pack Pack pack [EMMIE] Bird call, slap paddle, Tinkywinks Skip rope, licorice, Pickup sticks [JACKIE & JOE] Magic tricks, Lego bricks, pirate hooks and comic books [JACKIE, JOE & NOAH] Comic books! [JACKIE] Superman [JOE] Batman [JACKIE] Aquaman [JOE] And Ironman [JACKIE & JOE] Spiderman, X-Men, Daredevil, Doctor Strange and [EMMIE] Wonder Woman! Diana! [EMMIE & NOAH] Princess of the Amazons [EMMIE] Magical lariat, golden tiara [EMMIE & NOAH] Bulletproof bracelets, lipstick and mascara [JOE] Stronger than anyone, six times as pretty An eagle brassiere with a wing on each titty [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE & NOAH] Wing on each titty Wing on each titty Tittytittytittytittytittytittytittytitty! [NOAH] They talk about how my mama died They talk about my tragedy They wish that they could take me in And I could live with Caroline And Emmie, Jackie, Larry, Joe Emmie, Jackie, Larry, Joe Each evening I could up and go Home to be a Thibodeaux Emmie, Jackie, Larry, Joe And Noah Noah Thibodeaux [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE & NOAH] Oh, she did it, she did it She killed her kid! Oh Mama, oh Mama See what you did! R.I.P.! [EMMIE] She found him dead, his mean old ma She screamed, "Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw! Oh my child, my darling son Your time on earth is gone and done And you are lost and gone before" [JACKIE] But Roosevelt's an angel now He bought out the store And he still got nickels and dimes galore His mama cry, "He gone too soon!" But Roosevelt is sitting longside of the moon And he says, "Miss Moon, will you be my Mrs.?" [THE MOON] I might, you sweet, but you gotta be rich [JACKIE, JOE & NOAH] "I'm rich, I'm rich, will you give me kisses?" [THE MOON] I will sweet pea, indeed I shall I'll be your lovey little looney gal 'Cause you are sweet and you are rich [JACKIE, JOE & NOAH] So they went up to God and they got hitch [THE MOON] And I will wax and I will wane I'll turn your brain into green moon cheese I'll do every first thing that I please I'll be your honey and I'll spend all your money But I'll shine so bright I'll be your delight And I'll grow full and I'll grow fat And you'll say to yourself [JACKIE, JOE & NOAH] "Now how about that?" "How about that?" [THE MOON] And that's the last [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH & THE MOON] That anyone saw [THE MOON] Of Roosevelt Petrucius [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH & THE MOON] Coleslaw He flap his wings and he flew away And said goodbye to heaven and to JFK And he's flying through space to this very day Counting all the stars in the Milky Way He counts so high he's a millionaire And he doesn't have a care [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH & THE MOON, CAROLINE] Ching, ching, ching, chingalinga (And now every morning) Ching, ching, ching, chingalinga (Day after day) Ching, ching (There's change in his pockets) Ching, chingalinga (Quarters, pennies) Ching, ching, ching, chingalinga (He's leaving 'em there) A penny for Rosie and off he go (And I am mean) A nickel, a quarter, he got some dough (And I am tough) He rise in the skies and (But thirty dollars) Look down below and say (Ain't enough) "I'm a gonna buy me the Sky!" (Thirty) Didn't have a penny, yeah (Dollars) But now I got plenty So I say goodbye (Thirty dollars) No, Mama, don't cry If I'm broke [CAROLINE] Ain't right [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH & THE MOON] If I'm glum [CAROLINE] Ain't decent [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH & THE MOON] Glory hallelujah to kingdom come [CAROLINE] Change in his pockets just lyin' there [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH, THE MOON & CAROLINE] I reach in my / his pockets and I find me some [CAROLINE] For free [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH & THE MOON] I'm free [EMMIE, JACKIE, JOE, NOAH, THE MOON & CAROLINE] As the air!