Accidents

Lyrics

My girlfriend had a miscarriage After months of morning sickness and no periods Recordings, pictures, the whole experience All those books that we couldn't stop reading One day she woke up and she wouldn't stop bleeding Left a trail like the one Hansel and Gretel found I called an ambulance, she made me cancel it and settle down I thought she was trying to avoid admitting something was wrong I'd seen her deal with pain before, but nothing this strong I swear my temperature lost digits I turned my tears into hostages My ideas couldn't cross bridges They jumped off Now they're washed up in lost ditches Ever got stitches? That's not a fraction of the pain Total shutdown's the reaction of the brain I closed my eyes hoping the fact didn't remain And then I opened them to this accident again I couldn't stop thinking about the ambulance dialled We looked like some junkies, hampered and wild And its mad 'cus part of me felt angered and rowed But obviously we never planned for the child We thought, "God gives blessings, we're receiving a portion" So at the time I didn't believe in abortion but I still Googled it Looking it up for an option Cause I couldn't see us putting it up for adoption She was wary of abortion, she heard it triggers effects And she had one already, one of her biggest regrets It was part of the reason she hated herself And why she constantly felt like her figure's a mess She invested a lot into the last pregnancy So when she changed her mind, she was backdating By which time she was lactating So she couldn't normalise, she was traumatised And as she told me this, she shook before my eyes And I became conscious of abusing her fragility Which was the context of her losing her virginity So we kept the baby to avoid reducing her fertility That's the backdrop to having lost a child Oh, and by the way, she was a foster child Spent most her life getting tossed around Manchester, Newcastle, Gloucester bound And for the first time she crossed the boundary of having a love she owned Not just lost and found So what she felt she didn't need to say as Her body allowed the dream to bleed away Even though she was a likely mother Honestly, we didn't really like each other I was immature and she was insecure We were in too deep Can I swim to shore? This is literally how we started Used to muck around and I just kind of stuck around Then after a bit with all the laughter and shit She told me that if I was to leave, that would have struck her down So she became my accidental wife And we had made an accidental life And that potential mess brought bags of mental stress 'Cus that life met with an accidental death So what will the strongest dreaming achieve? And wasn't I wrong for feeling relieved Maybe it was part of regaining her power But, understandably, after that she turned sour Which I thought was a game she'd be playing forever But whatever, we couldn't justify staying together She told me she missed me after breaking up And expected us to be on the path to making up I said, "look how well you've done on your own You don't miss me, you miss having someone to phone Someone to moan to Someone to hold you Someone to bold true when others approach you Look how far you've come on your own too You don't even like the world I'm on a roll to So come on, it's plain to see that someone just ain't in me" But I still entertained all the love she showed Which must have given her false hope She told me she was saving herself for me Behaving herself for me But that's not the way that it felt to me Felt like she'd been with someone else to me "So who is it?" She became visibly immersed in her fears Broke into an act she'd rehearsed in a year An easy way around any person that clears Shook her head slowly and burst into tears I don't understand why the hell she's crying She says she feels insulted, I can tell she's lying And that makes me wonder what else she's hiding Cuh she's not that kind of girl So why the hell she crying? She said I'm pregnant again (For fuck's sake) Am I the only possible Dad? She said it was a one-night stand And I felt my whole body go numb like damn (Come 'ere, come 'ere, come 'ere) She follows that up with a lot of bullshit "It lasted for a minute and he's got a small dick And he gloats about it, but he's not at all sick He's a horrible prick And I said frailty thy name-" "Shut the fuck up! You dragged me through this bullshit, kicking and screaming Only for me to find you've been tricking and scheming Through the same mouth he's been sticking his dick in and seeming Which you've been kissing me with after licking his semen Look at me when I'm talking to you LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU I can't believe I thought I knew you for real But for old time's sake, I'm going to do you a deal Any memories of us, you're going to fully forget And I'll leave before I do something I fully regret Oh I'm scaring you now? Poor you I guess 'sorry' is to too much of a mouthful too So don't fucking phone my phone I'll call you"