The Gear Jammer and the Hobo

Lyrics

The highways that wind and wander 'cross this lonesome land Sure can get weary sometimes 'Specially when you get a flat on the ol' diesel I was barrelin' down old 77 one day And I'd just passed a hobo who'd given me the thumb And I gave him the thumb back and kept goin' And, wouldn't you know it About a quarter of a mile further I pulled up on the shoulder With a flat on the right rear And, as I stood there, lookin' at it, shakin' my head Utterin' some profane syllables The hobo walked up and said to me Have a flat? No thanks, I got one It ain't too bad, it's only flat on the bottom Oh brother, you could tell this guy'd been outta circulation for a long time What you gonna do about it? Well, I was just gonna look for a man to help me fix it Good, I'll help you … look for him How 'bout you? Yeah, how 'bout me? Well, I mean, you 'bout you givin' me a hand? Oh, I'd like to help you ol' buddy, but I'm too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work And too lazy Well, that might fit in there someplace Well, thanks a lot, I'll fix it myself And I'll supervise the job Uh, say, ol' buddy, how about givin' me a dime for a piece of cake? Well, if that don't beat all! And it's cake you want? Well, today's my birthday Alright, help me fix this flat and I'll buy you a full dinner Okay, you got a deal, but uh, let me see the menu first Look buster, you know hard work won't kill you I don't know, I lost several wives that way Come on now, you look strong enough to work And you look handsome enough to be a movie star, but I see you're pushin' this ol' diesel Ah, surely you must have done some work Oh yeah, I work now and then Well, whaddya do? This and that Whereabouts? Here and there I see Now, when you gonna give me that dime? Oh, sooner or later You can kid me if you wanna, but I'll tell you one thing … I wouldn't change places with a guy that had a million bucks How about five million? Not even five million How about ten million? Not even … well now, that's different, you're talkin' real dough Now looka here, you no-good, mangy, knock-kneed, bowlegged, bald-headed, two-bit hobo Who're you callin' … bow-legged? Look, you're gonna help me fix this flat, or I'm gonna break your … Careful chum, you'll bend the suit Now, for the last time, are you or ain'tcha? You get so excited! Okay, I'll help you Lemme take a look at that tire Hmm, just as I thought, that ain't no blowout, just a slow leak Hand me that tire-pump And friends, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it That tramp took that pump, and, with one hand, mind you Pumped that big tire full of air in no time Well, whaddya know! No flat Pardner, I wanna thank you Hop in the cab, and the next stop we make, I'll buy you the biggest steak, and the best cake they've got in the house Sounds like a winner Just one thing, though I noticed you only used one hand on that tire pump … how come? Oh, I don't know, 'cept uh, this arm's broke Broke? Just a little bit Oh, I'm sorry ol' buddy, how did it happen? Well, it was like this I got ahold of this copy of the Playboy Magazine Yeah And I thought it was a Sears and Roebuck catalogue Go on And I broke my arm fillin' out order blanks Oh no, come on, let's hit the road