Harold the Barrel

Lyrics

[NEWS] A well known Bognor restaurant owner Disappeared early this morning Last seen in a mouse brown overcoat Suitably camouflaged, they saw him catch a train (Choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo) [MAN-IN-THE-STREET] Father of three, it's disgusting Such a horrible thing to do Harold the Barrel cut off his toes And he served them all for tea He can't go far, he can't go far Hasn't got a leg to stand on He can't go far [MAN-ON-THE-SPOT] I'm standing in a doorway On the main square, tension is mounting There's a restless crowd of angry people [MAN-ON-THE-COUNCIL] More than we've ever seen Had to tighten up security (Run, run, run, run) [NARRATOR] Over to the scene at the town hall The Lord Mayor's ready to speak [LORD MAYOR] Man of suspicion, you can't last long The British public is on our side [BRITISH PUBLIC] You can't last long, you can't last long Said you couldn't trust him His brother was just the same You can't last long [HAROLD] If I was many miles from here I'd be sailing in an open boat on the sea Instead I'm on this window ledge With the whole world below Up at the window, look at the window [MR. PLOD] We can help you [PLOD'S C​HORUS] We can help you [MR. PLOD] We're all your friends If you come on down and talk to us son [HAROLD] You must be joking Take a running jump [NARRATOR] The crowd was getting stronger (Was getting) And our Harold getting weaker (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha) Forwards, backwards, swaying side to side (Giving them their drama) Fearing the very worst They called his mother to the site (Run, run, run, run) Up on the ledge beside him His mother made a last request [67 YR-OLD-MRS BARREL] Come off the ledge, if your father were alive He'd be very, very, very upset You just can't jump, you just can't jump Your shirt's all dirty And there's a man here from the BBC You just can't jump [MR. PLOD] We can help you [PLOD'S C​HORUS] We can help you [MR. PLOD] We're all your friends If you come on down and talk to us Harry [HAROLD] You must be joking Take a running jump