Lyrics

Oh! Tough, get tall, get suave, get drunk Get smart, get hip, get hep, get pissed Johnny! Johnny! Johnny Pissoff Oh, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, why did you beat up that queer? Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, why did you beat up that queer? Well, I went into the trance I usually fall into when I watch the Budweiser clock spin around for about two hours I was drinkin' Dickel Brothers' Sour Mash, buddy! When all of a sudden, my brain became sullied by images of vampires So, I thought, I'd better get my ol' Corvette and wheel around the county courthouse a few times to clear my mind When I thought I'd go over to Mae's Cafe for some coffee and lemon pie Well, I [?] peeled down the [?] And all of a sudden, I scarfed an eyeload on a queer I mean, I think he looked like a queer God, I hate queers! God, I hate 'em! Hate 'em! He had old penny loafers and a purple bellbottoms And he had a huge protest button on that said, "God is acid" Boy, that pissed me off! Anyway, so I... I screeched a halt and I yelled out the window and I said, uh... "Hey, faggot! What you doin' in my town, buddy?" That son-of-a-bitch was ignoring my existence! Boy, I hate that... So I leaped out my old Corvette and I trotted over and I proceeded to kick ass on the goddamn son-of-a-bitch "hemorphadite" Then I walked on his face And the shit is more fun than squoorshing tadpoles, haha Then I went over to Mae's Cafe for some coffee Coffee, coffee Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee... Get tough, get tall, get suave, get drunk Get smart, get hip, get hep, get pissed Johnny! Johnny! Johnny Pissoff I, Johnathan Abner-Tobias Pissoff, in the presence of the universal god of salvation do solemnly affirm that I've been chosen to beat up queers. I further affirm that although I'm a decent God-fearing man with family and property, I want to kill, rape, ravage, plunder, pillage, stomp, devour, destroy, hack, smash, splash, flash, and bash. Ha-ha! All queers, commies, sheenies, Haoles, and hunkies All greaseballs, mockeys, Polacks, lepers, and wetbacks All bohunks, eggheads, fudgsicles, and high slants All poets, megs, frogs, queers, peace-creeps, cajuns, dwarves, dipshits, and teenage loose women In the name of Jesus Christ, this I do affirm Oh, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, why did you beat up that queer? He didn't cry or nothin' Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, why did you beat up that queer? Nobody saw me do it Why did you beat up that queer? Well, he was walking up to the Legion Hall where the Boy Scouts meet. I wanted to see that Why did you beat up that queer, Johnny? Well, I mean, he-- he-- he had-- he had smooth hands I mean, he-- he looked-- he-- he tried to wink at me I don't know, he had on ma-- I don-- I don't know Why did you beat up that queer?