Lyrics

[Spoken: Ewan McGregor] Hello Fucking keep it down in the back Listen, before I start introducing my good friend, I've got a fax to read This came in today, it says, "Dear Colette Please could you forward the attached message to Tony Ashton in Studio 2 tonight? Yours sincerely, Gary" And then on the other side, it says, "From Bill Wyman's Rhythm Kings Tony, have a great night, we're all sorry to miss it From Gary Brooker, Georgie Fame, Albert Lee, Beverley Skeete, Terry Taylor, Henry Spinetti, and Bill Wyman" Woo-hoo! Fantastic Now, uh, I could've been on herе introducing you to one of my fellow countrymen tonight 'Causе when I first met Tony Ashton in our local about six years ago Uh, for about three and a half weeks, he had me believing that he was from Glasgow And when I first met him, he was wearing a balaclava and a boiler suit in the corner with a pint and he went... And he held it up for about a week Until Sandra told me that he actually wasn't from Scotland And I'm sure that most of you will know, but maybe some of you don't, but Tony's been extraordinarily ill lately Keep it down in the back, will you? Shh Thank you Um, Tony's been very ill and it's come through the other side of it And, um, we're very lucky to have him here tonight But that makes us very, very lucky to have him here tonight And, uh, rumour has it that during his surgery and his illness That Tony Ashton, in fact, did die And he went up the big tunnel, up towards the light like that, you know? And he got up there to the end, and when he got to the end of the tunnel in the bright light There was Ronald Fraser, Ronny Fraser Standing at the pearly gates And he went, "Ugh, darling, come in, you really are one of ours" And, um, they had a wee chat and Tony said "Uh, Ronny, let's, let's go and have a pint" And Ronny said, "Well, the trouble is... the pub's here don't open till half seven and it's only four o'clock" And Tony looked at him and went... "Ah, fuck it," and he came... And he came back to us, and thank God he did He's a fantastic musician He's one fucking hell of a good laugh And he's a brilliant man, ladies and gentlemen, Tony Ashton [Spoken: Tony Ashton] Don't start Hey, what about that, you know? Are you a McGregor-lookalike? Costs a fortune