The Whole Being Dead Thing (2014 Original Pitch Demo)

Lyrics

[BETELGEUSE] Hey folks! Beggin' your pardon! S'cuse me! Sorry to barge in! But how'd you like to make a start on the whole Y'know, "being dead" thing Death is so my oeuvre I make crossing over smoother Try to think of me as lube for the hole Y'know, the whole "being dead" thing Yes, I guess you have regrets "We should have carpe'd way more diems Now we're never gonna' see 'em" I can show you what comes next Evеrything is great here Lots of friеnds to make here They're sailing on the lake here THERE'S A GIANT SNAKE HERE! You're You're gonna be fine On the other side DIE, MOTHAFUCKA, DIE, MOTHERFUCKA, DIE I'll I'll be your guide To the other side IT'S A PART OF THE "DEAD" THING! Death is not the easiest So don't be nervous Oblivion can really make a girl feel worthless Everybody needs a good transition service When they pass That's me! I'm part of the "dead" thing I'm not tryin' to say that you're uptight and boring But there's a little fact that we can't keep ignoring I mean seriously? You guys were killed by flooring? Hello, middle-class? Welcome to the "dead" thing Death can have its ups and downs Eternity is like forever It's so cute you died together Come with me I'll show you 'round My social skills are rusty I smell a little musty My mouth's a little crusty But you just have to trust me You're- You're gonna' be fine [cheers and applause] [SPOKEN] Oh, thank you [SUNG] On the other side [SPOKEN] That's too kind Hey [SUNG] I'll- I'll be your guide [SPOKEN] Ok that's probably too much [SUNG] To the other side [SPOKEN] Stop that [cheering stops abruptly] [SPOKEN] OK, let me break it down for you The good news is you and your spouse Died in your own house That gives you clout That means there's something you can do about The yuppies from uptown who swooped down and bought it Don't be daunted it's your house So haunt it I'll teach you to flaunt it I'm the ghost with the most-est Scare the living shit of folks coast-to-coast It's lucky for you I dropped by Yeah you seem like nice guys A little on the Pottery Barn and dry white wine side As for me, I've been scaring for millennia I'm the bio-exorcist who'll Give your house an enema Flush out all the breathers You can breathe easier Stick with me I'm like a ghost-zombie Jesus Qualifications for days and days And hey, the amazing part is nobody pays Because I do it for the love of it I can't get enough of it We won't stop until they quit Jesus Christ, I love this shit! You're just gonna' love the folks here Everybody's dead so everybody smokes here Every day I do like, a ton of coke here The whole- [snorts] "BEING DEAD" THING! The nightlife's hip Sinatra plays here Orgies last for several days here People tend to go both ways here They're like "YOLO, the whole being dead thing" Don't think what you've left behind Spring vacation Friends and family Feeling any real emotion Think of what you're yet to find No more meetings No more deadlines No more using suntan lotion It's the perfect day to die 'Cause this guy happened to be passing by To help you master the art Come on let's make a start It's your lucky day Well, apart from the whole Y'know Lets face it Uh Hoo The whole "being dead" thing