Here to Help

Lyrics

[Intro] Welcome to next level tech support Please press 01 to be connected to our help desk [Verse 1: Remington Forbes] All these end users calling Filling up the queues with issues and problems This user says his computer is crawlin' The internets slow and he can't do his bloggin' Another one says their password's forgotten Account locked out and now they can't log-in [Verse 2: int eighty] Did i say blogging? I meant head-shottin' Every single server I try keeps droppin' Cannot win with my ping so bad Other players pointing fingers blaming me for lag (It was you) So slow, it's a next-gen drag Messing up my stats every map i'm getting fragged [Verse 3: Remington Forbes] If you will, what's your name bill? (no, it's Dave) Can you type your password in the username field? (what for?) I just need to know that somewhere on your laptop That you didn't inadvertently press caps lock (this is stupid) Sir no need to disrespect me I wanna make sure you're typing it correctly [Verse 4: int eighty] Oh my gosh, can we move along quickly Reports need finished or my boss is gonna hit me Clearly the problem isn't with me I can troubleshoot the breeze, solving problems with ease Trust me, I only use my shift key Oh- that was it... that fixed me (Oh man, this guy is an idiot) What? (Nothing sir) [Hook] Man, I got help desk woes (woes, woes, woes, woes) From HR to C-E-Os (Os, Os, Os, Os) Sometimes I think this job blows (blows, blows, blows, blows) Come on now, you know how it goes (goes, goes, goes, goes) Now back to the show [Verse 5: Remington Forbes] Finally, now I can check emails There's a guy claiming that he can't SEND emails? Says that he needs help and he's feeling helpless He can't send... how did he email the help desk? [Verse 6: int eighty] Here's what happened, my spam filter died I'm replying to these mails where it says unsubscribe But it must be a lie, or so i get the feelin' Windows popping up and i can't seem to kill 'em It's not that the client won't send or receive it But the interface is covered and i just can't see it [Verse 7: Remington Forbes] Sir try this, sounds like a virus Disconnect your box from the network appliance Boot up your computer hit F8 so Windows can then start to boot up in safe mode Then run AV scan cause apparently This rogue code has infected your registry I hope this can fix it, seems like bad luck I hope this guy has been running daily backups [Verse 8: int eighty] Daily back what? are my files recovered? Is that some kind of program? I've never heard of it If you don't get my files back now then there's trouble Do i need to spell it out cause i'm not being subtle Oh, no worries, hang on the line Let me run this antivirus 2009 (FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-) [Hook] Man, I got help desk woes (woes, woes, woes, woes) From HR to C-E-Os (Os, Os, Os, Os) Sometimes I think this job blows (blows, blows, blows, blows) Come on now, you know how it goes (goes, goes, goes, goes) Now back to the show [Verse 9: Remington Forbes] I was helping out the mother of a friend of a friend Of my ex-roomma- forget it, let me begin She was in need of help and that much was clear, see And this so-called friend of mine volunteered me So I called her on the phone She didn't seem to understand One single thing I was talking about I said, "Close all your windows" She came back and said "Ok, I closed all the windows in the house." No ma'am, not those windows... No, your computers aren't gonna get cold... No, that's not how you get viruses... Ma'am, I don't think I can help you [Hook] Man, I got help desk woes (woes, woes, woes, woes) From HR to C-E-Os (Os, Os, Os, Os) Sometimes I think this job blows (blows, blows, blows, blows) Come on now, you know how it goes (goes, goes, goes, goes) Now back to the show [Outro: Remington Forbes, (int eighty)] Ok, sir, now I want you to press any key to continue (Which one is the "any key"?) Ok, did you find it? (Aha) Now click your right mouse button (I only have one mouse) Ok, sir, is your computer plugged in? (I don't know) What do you mean you don't know (I can't tell) You can't tell? (I mean, It's dark. The power is out.) Your power is out? (Yeah) Ah man (Am I online now?)