The Spicy McHaggis Jig

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I'll tell you a story, believe me it's true A tale you'd best hope, never happens to you Old Spicy McHaggis, how he met his fate You, I can save, but for him it's too late [Verse 2] Spicy was big, burly and strong His pipes were gigantic, and so was his schlong From city to city running around Always looking for chicks over four hundred pounds [Chorus] One night at the pub, a girl caught his eye Big as a house, just the right size The broad was enormous, stacked to the hilt Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt The piper delivered his best pick-up line Thought to himself, "this beast is all mine" The portly young lady could stand for no more Grabbed his cojones and went for the door [Verse 3] They got to her house and dimmed all the lights Spicy was in for one hell of a night He said that he loved her, he'd always be true "But Mr. McHaggis, I've only just met you!!" [Chorus] By now he saw double through his drunken eyes Neither had looks or appropriate size He came to his senses, thought to himself "At this time of night, I won't find nothing else" He took off his shirt, she lifted her skirt They pulled out his unit and started to flirt She asked for a glove, he gave her a shove Had baby McHaggis nine months to-the-day [Refrain] SPICY! SPICY! SPICY! SPICY! SPICY! SPICY! SPICY! SPICY! [Chorus] One night at the pub a girl caught his eye Big as a house, just the right size The broad was enormous, stacked to the hilt Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt The piper delivered his best pick-up line Thought to himself, "this beast is all mine" The portly young lady could stand for no more Grabbed his cojones and went for the door [Outro] Three packs a day, he'll smoke 'til he dies Spicy McHaggis, one hell of a guy! I don't know what you all are talking about...and who drank all my beer!?