Lyrics

[Intro] When my mom and dad got divorced My mama, she was so miserable and so unhappy She locked herself in her bedroom and she didn't come out for six long years And in my mom's bedroom, my mama, she had three TV sets Like Elvis, The King, used to have And on top of each one of them TV sets My mama, she had two VCRs For recording all them shows she wasn't watchin' And for six long years she stayed locked in her room Drinking vodka and milk And reading the National Inquirer and The Sun and The Star And flippin' them channels And then my sister graduated from school and the child support ran out And my mom was forced to go out and get a job And I know, I know not to tell you what a mean, cruel world it is For a fifty year old woman without no college education My mom, she had to work one shit job after another just to pay the rent Until finally, fate Or something led her to a place called R&D Trucking in Florence, Alabama And they hired my mom as what they call a Truck Log Auditor Every Monday morning she'd come and audit all them truck drivers' logs To make sure they haven't been driving too many miles without sleep or somethin' And if they had, her job was to call 'em in the office an bitch at 'em And there was this one truck driver, his name was Chester And Chester was the biggest, meanest motherfucker at R&D Trucking Chester weighed about 350 pounds of pure muscle and gut Chester had the word "Kim" tattooed right there on his forearm And legend has it one night, back in Vietnam Chester killed eight men in their sleep in order to escape from a POW camp And now every Monday morning My mama's calling that big, tall motherfucker into her office And she's bitchin' him out Until finally one day she just goes off the deep end And she starts cussin' at the top of her lungs And she says, she says, she says, "Chester! God damn it, Chester, every week you fuck up your logs When you know I'm going to catch you Know I'm gonna call you in here and bitch at you What gives?" But all Chester heard was a bunch of— And mom looked down from that desk where she had climbed up to have a height advantage on him And she got madder than hell And she said, she said, "God damn it, Chester, every week you fuck up your logs When you know I'm gonna catch you Know I'm gonna call you in here and bitch at you, what gives? But Chester just looked my mama right square in the eye And he said "Jan, it's because I'm in love with you And I knew the only way I'd ever get to talk to you is to fuck up my logs So you'd call me in here and bitch at me like you do so sweet" And six months later to the day My mama and Chester, they ran off to a tattoo studio And he had "Kim" changed to "Jan" And then they eloped to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, I could never make this shit up And they got married at Dollywood And I'd just moved to Athens, Georgia And I didn't have no money to buy 'em a present So I wrote my mama this song It's called "18 Wheels of Love" and every goddamn word's true [Chorus] Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Peterbilt, Peterbilt Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Peterbilt, Peterbilt [Verse 1] He's making her give life another stab They can see the world from way up in the cab [Chorus] Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Peterbilt, Peterbilt Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Mama ran off with a trucker Peterbilt, Peterbilt [Verse 2] She can quit her job now and be his little bride He can get a local route and stay home by her side She can fix him roast beast and sweet potato pie He can eat a lot of it 'cause he's a big ol' guy [Bridge] They got married in Dollywood They got married in Dollywood They got married in Dollywood By a Porter Wagoner lookalike [Outro] Eighteen wheels of love