Broad Lic Nic

Lyrics

Whoa Whoa Whoa It's a Broad Lic Nic And I'll tell you while I'm able Or I'll smash your skull If you'll not drink enough Black Label It's a hard man's drink And though the bottle's broken Put your money on the table Strain the glass through your teeth So, we grew up lean, mean Kings of the street scene Without a mother's guiding hand To keep us clean Down your rum We'll take life as it comes And all you blue rinse critics Lick our literary bum I drank my first pure malt Before I was three I smoked a pack of Dutch cigarettes My pappy left for me And I romanced a little lass Who was 12 years my elder At the age of six I held her That year I also bed her So before I was seven My first child was born I told a pack of filthy lies As a politician I heard my own confession as an Act of contrition I spent ten years as a Trappist monk In a village in Tibet (Liar!) And I walked up Everest naked Just to win a bet Whoa Whoa Well, I severed my leg to win a One-legged race And when I won I stitched it Right back into place I fought Mohammed Ali I've seduced Mata Hari I've even worn a sari When I impersonated Gandhi And I dare any man here To call me a liar But I swear I've seen Ezekiel I swear I've seen Isaiah Toasting marshmallows in Beelzebub's fire And we're mad (Mad!) Bad (Bad!) Dangerous to know We never gave a tinker's cuss About the seeds we'd sow And we stay up late And never be forlorn (Hey!) And when the morning comes around We'll kiss the crack of dawn We took the wax from Kerouacs And dusty Dostoevskys And when all was said and done Booze was all I had left me For, all the world's great thinkers Are all a load Of pus And if you asked how Zarathustra spoke He spake thus: Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink until you're drunk Drink until you can't stand up Till you're roly-poly stung Till your bladder bursts Till you throw a fit to curse Till they lift you up still comatose And slam you in the hearse Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa And we're good (Good!) Bad (Bad!) Ugly as sin We mixed up cough syrup With our gin So take your medicine I pray that when I die (Hey!) There'll be someone else around to kiss my arse goodbye Yes I pray, I pray I pray that when I die There'll be someone else around to kiss my arse goodbye