Finaletto Act I

Lyrics

[FLETCHER, spoken] Citizens! We just got more news Switzerland has sent another note even more insulting than the last one She spells America with a small "a" [ENSEMBLE, spoken] *Hiss* [FLETCHER, spoken] Congress is in session at this very moment preparing to declare war As soon as they do They're going to flash a red light from the top of the Gazette Building [JIM] Stop! What is this mischief you're doing? Stop! Reflect, consider and pause Can't you see this trouble you're brewing Won't be in a worthy cause? [FLETCHER] Be careful of a trick [SLOANE] He's just a Bolshevik [ENSEMBLE] We will fight for all we hold dear, sir! [JIM] But I say this war is a fake [FLETCHER] Why the hell must you interfere, sir? [ENSEMBLE] Fletcher's reputation is at stake [JIM] Fellow countrymen, lend me your ears for a minute [MEN] If you have anything important to say, better begin it [JIM] Folks, I was born Down on a farm There 'midst the corn Far from all harm I learned about Cows and their ilk So my friends, I know milk [ENSEMBLE] He knows milk [JIM] Some men are butchers Some men are bakers Some specialize as Candlestick makers Some, cloaks and suits Some men know silk I, my friends, I know milk [ENSEMBLE] He knows milk You may know milk, but tell us more What the devil has that got to do with war? What the devil has that got to do with war? [JIM] I'd go to war For cheese I could trust But never for A cause so unjust For I'm afraid Oh, can't you see? This cheese is made Fletcher's Cheese is made Of milk—Grade B [ENSEMBLE] Not A? [JIM] No, B [ENSEMBLE] Not A? [JIM] No, B Oh, my friends, I know milk! [ENSEMBLE] He still knows milk [FLETCHER, SLOANE & HOLMES] No, no! Nay, nay! We're here to say It is Grade A We always use the best ingredients [JIM] Here today You hear me say It's not Grade A You're using Grade B for expedience [MEN] He says they do not use the best ingredients But that they're using Grade B for expedience And Fletcher told us that when he began it, he Was only making cheese to help humanity [WOMEN] He says they do not use the best ingredients But that they're using Grade B for expedience And Fletcher told us that when he began it, he Was only making cheese to help humanity [ENSEMBLE] Maybe he is telling us the truth! Maybe he is telling us the truth! [JOAN] Jim, how could you do such a thing? Oh, Jim, unworthy of you, such a thing Just look at my father and see He'd never use Grade B [JIM & JOAN] Joan, I had to do such a thing (Jim, how could you do such a thing?) Oh, Joan (Oh, Jim) The moment I knew such a thing (Unworthy of you, such a thing) My conscience and I both agree (Just look at my father and see) The milk is still Grade B (He'd never use Grade B) [FLETCHER] To me the whole thing simply is ridiculous My honor has been struck an awful blow The populace know I am too meticulous I'd never stoop to do a thing so low [HOLMES & SLOANE] He'd never stoop to do a thing so low [TIMOTHY] He'd never stoop to do a thing so low [FLETCHER] And you're a dirty so-and-so-and-so [ENSEMBLE] A very dirty so-and-so-and-so And he is a typical self-made American [JIM] He is a true, profiteering American [FLETCHER] I've made a pure product ever since I began [JIM] He'll get us all into war if he works his plan [ENSEMBLE] In most every way, we feel He is basically sound With his shoulder to the wheel And his two feet on the ground He is a typical, typical, typical self-made American [JOAN] Alas, alackaday, unlucky me My hero and my father can't agree [FLETCHER] I think this fellow is a spy [SLOANE] Well, if he is, he'll have to die For we must all protect our liberty [ENSEMBLE] Yes, yes, we say He'll have to pay He's in the way With propaganda he's been fillin' us He's a fake And no mistake His neck we'll break Whoever heard of one so villainous? He says that we use Grade B for expedience We'll teach him soon the meaning of obedience We're all crusading for a cause that's glorious And who the hell is he to be censorious? [A siren sounds.] [SLOANE, spoken] Now then, where's Townsend? Bring him over here, men Things have changed now We're at war, and I'm placing him under arrest Let's see what you've got on you Well, people, I guess this is all the proof we need A Swiss watch! Now we know where he stands Take him inside and lock him up until we're ready for him [JOAN] Jim, how could you do such a thing? Oh, Jim, unworthy of you, such a thing [JIM] My conscience and I both agree The milk is still Grade B [JIM is taken off.] [TIMOTHY] Now every man get into uniform And for those foreigners we'll make it warm [MEN] Those sons of guns will never scoff We'll show them all where they get off We're out to take the enemy by storm [ENSEMBLE] Around the flag we'll rally Come, patriots get pally Three cheers for the Union! Siss for the Swiss! Three cheers for the Union! Siss for the Swiss!