Leonard’s Lament

Lyrics

[CHURCH] Another day I'm stuck here, another day goes by Another day I ask myself: Why do I even try? These shitheads all around me, they poke and prod and pry Sometimes I wish that I'd just die [TUCKER, spoken] Oh, come on, Church. Your life's not that bad.  [CABOOSE, spoken] Yeah! Plus you already died once.  [CHURCH, spoken] And whose fault was that, Caboose? [CABOOSE, spoken] Tucker did it.  [TUCKER, spoken] Sheila did it! [SHEILA, spoken] I would rather not get involved in this.  [CHURCH, spoken] All of you shut up! You want to know about my life? I'll tell you.  [CHURCH] My 9 to 5 is filled with misery My girlfriend's always such a bitch to me I think my death count's pushing three I just don't get how this is hard to see And as I lie awake at night I just want to die [TUCKER] Oh please! You're overly dramatic [DOC] You're clearly asymptomatic [SHEILA] Your life is hardly that traumatic [CABOOSE] But your girlfriend is half aquatic [CHURCH] Y'know, I think I change my mind I wish you'd all die [EVERYONE, spoken] (inaudible chattering) [CHURCH, spoken] No, really, guys, shut up. I had a whole song planned. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up, just shut the fuck up! (sung) Living here's not going well This canyon's my detention cell I feel the need to scream and yell I wish that you'd all burn in hell! (spoken) Oh, oh, and it gets worse! I have been to jury duty thirty-seven times! I always get the middle seat on flights! Last year no one wished me happy birthday! Fuck all of you! Fuck everyone! And fuck this fucking song!