Spiderman! Spider Man! Hyphenated As Spider-Man!

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Have you ever seen a man climbing a wall? Up the side of a building that is decidedly tall Who despite gravity, trying, is declining to fall One can only imagine the flipping size of his balls Well, that's me, known as Spider-Man or Spidey And I'm called Peter Parker, really though I should be Peter Parkour Leaping through the dark, gloomy city, coming at you Weaving over roofs like a traditional thatcher So, no matter your stance or your status or stature You bad guys are flies and I'm gonna catch ya This one's for Gwen and Uncle Ben, dedicated to Aunt May I'm the man you dress up as when you're too lazy to cosplay [Chorus 1] Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can Spider-Man! Spider-Man! He's not a mutant, it's an overactive thyroid gland Spider-Man! Spider-Man! I'm delivering this line from my diaphragm Spider-Man! Spider-Man! If you still don't get it, here's a diagram [Verse 2] I'm Iron Man but without the massive salary I'm Bruce Wayne if he had a loving family I'm Bruce Banner but without being ripped or angry I'm the Black Panther but without much of a tan on me I'm the Flash if he hadn't ever ran at speed I'm Jean Grey but with a double-a cup mammary I'm Deadpool if he lacked a personality I'm James Gunn without directing Guardians of the Galax-oh I'll just pop out for a vertical jog Where buildings penetrate the sky like a cervical swab I started at the bottom, now, I'm traversing atop A massive phallic symbol as if it's my personal knob Err, you'll have to take my word for it but I'm this handsome Definitely not a virgin, my dick Branson Oh, sorry, I just went off on a big tangent But now, I'm trapping you in the web like Chris Hansen [Chorus 2] Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Goes hard like a penile implant Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can Apart from eating their mate during copulation That we know of anyway Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Spider-Man! [Verse 3] I'm a happy, kind of rapper, guy No grime pretense Yeah, I'm a little camp but so are tiny tents Look, in my defense, I can't rely on my Spidey-Sense And I can't deny that I'm immense so, why pretend? It's kind of dense! I'm the headliner, you guys are the side events I fly across the skyline while you try to climb a fence High flying Fashionista wrapped in tight lycra Defying expectations of my critics like bycra Say I can't swing roof to roof, that's fake news It's not up to me to prove the truth So, if you dispute then I refuse to tip-toe You can take it straight up with Stan Lee and Steve Ditko It's risky like investing into P2P crypto Or expecting to see Diplo at the D of E disco So come along to my swingers club I'll bring the white stuff if you bring the bub I've got a thing for Kinbaku, the kink I love And don't be scared if you find a spider in the tub I'm here to help you get over arachnophobia So, don't be afraid You're like a cobweb when I blow you away [Chorus 3] Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Gets ASMR during an eye exam Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Never constipated, thanks to high-fibre bran Let me promote for a mo', hope you don't mind the spam This track's on Google Music, Spotify and Tidal, damn!