Salty Seamen

Lyrics

[Intro] Wanker! [Verse 1] Oi, girls and boys and others, gird your loins you buggers As I tell a story that'll appall the naughtiest of mothers Get a load of this, you lubbers, here's what happens at sea Though it hasn't been screened, for factual accuracy They don't call me Captain Blue Balls due to testicular torsion Although my quest for fortune's twisted with my sexual organs I'm a legendary swordsman, never rest until I get me portion And I suggest when you address me you use every caution Or I'll have to let you pick which of your bloody legs be shortenеd I recommend the middlе one, would give the best proportion Now set the course, head for better shores, and rest assured I'll blow the man down, like a wind coming from west to north [Hook] Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger Blunder bussing a filthy load of salty seamen Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen [Verse 2] Nobody knows how many ho's I've heaved, loads I leave broken hearts and swollen ovaries whence I sow my seeds Both at home on Dover beaches to far reaches overseas And I don't believe I've ever even done it soberly You can find me at the dock carousing, to the crack o' dawn Cock a doodle doo, that cock's arousing you round the horn We sail, leaving chaos in our wake, trails of jetsam, flotsam Be warned, it's pouring up ahead fellas, get the coxswain I haven't got any trousers on, bring me a pair of bottoms It gets so hot in the poop deck I don't wear 'em often We get robbing and covered in sweat, sodden Every available man, come on the deck, swab 'em Or I'll grab my Cat o' Nine Tails, tie 'em up and flog 'em If the sea dog's naughty, then I'll shove another knot in 'Til he's singing like a nightingale, feeling like a knife impaled him It's the kind of tale that happens every time we pirates sail [Hook] Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger Blunder bussing a filthy load of salty seamen Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen [Verse 3] Avast! What's that across the horizon? A vast mass of rugged rock is arising Full of swollen bulging veins, imagine all the ores on that Grab the oars, we'll have to drill a shaft, and fill up all her cracks I'm bringing a massive swinging sack of big cannonballs And I'm still considering in which hole to ram 'em all Getting my hands on your booty is my true calling X marks the spot, I'm gonna thrust my tool in I meat a whaler that was out looking for sperm Harpooned him in the blowhole, split him from stem to stern I leave your timbers shivered, rearrange your guts When I stick my dussack in your gizzards, see you later, nuts! No cutlass needed to leave cut lads screaming Orifices leaking body fluids, is he bleeding? Whatever it is, he's feeling sore in every region Got a problem with it? Well excuse me for breathing [Outro] Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger Blunder bussing a filthy load of salty seamen Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen