Please Hammond, Don’t Hurt ’Em

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Look at that hamster, damn He's kind of a big wheel - Anchorman Hammond's a mechanical animal for example Like an album from Marilyn Manson, however more amicable, oh He's a big mech battling ball That'll swing that grappling claw Have a think what that'll involve Here's a clue - you'll be bruised, bloodied, battered and sore Deploying shield with the minefield So pen your final will, and get it signed, sealed, delivered Then have a nice meal, finish and lie still The last thing you're going to hear's a high squeal Yeah, I know it doesn't seem quite real When you're on the back foot like a high heel That'll snap, you're no match for a stamp from a huge boot Damn, but he's too cute [Chorus] Hammond has only got one ball The other does not exist at all Hammond is less than one foot tall But he's like a vinegar soaked conker conquers all [Verse 2] Hammond exemplifies The Latin text: "semper fi" But vivisectionists are pitiless So forgive our friend for being a bit sick of this It's as if he's infinitely stuck in a loop Like a gif of the myth of Sisyphus Shit's ridiculous, look, here's a lesson to take Just because he's little doesn't make him any less of a brain He was getting ready, and waiting to jet and escape And that patience gave him success on a plate Now specimen eight will never get in the cage again He's ready to decimate, hit the Australian plains Big ball energy Want to do a bit more than gnaw celery So quick, pour the Hennessy Until it hits the floor in your memory So let me provide a tissue for the final issue 'Cause when the piledriver hits you I predict you won't survive, you'll be just goo So goodbye, we'll miss you [Chorus] Hammond has only got one ball The other does not exist at all Hammond is less than one foot tall But he's like a vinegar soaked conker conquers all