Every Jerk in Jerkville

Lyrics

is invited into my twitter stream. Your books have a kegger in my tote bag. Your stupid ideas are running my hallways, smacking books out of my hands. If there were Magna Cum Laudes in Douche-ness, the ceremony would take all afternoon. Beard Face, approach the podium with your unearned swagger so I can drape this sash around your neck. Dear Spittle & Lear, please allow me to place this ribbon upon your thesis, where you compare ten different female body parts to a speculum. And you, Old Asshole, allow me to congratulate you for successfully rewriting the definition of polyamory to support your every crooked thrust. Oh, the vocabulary you've tasked yourself to teaching young girls. You astound. I don't know how any of you keep a girlfriend, let alone constant carnival of them. Your cocks must release a powerful hallucinogen. Your cocks must shoot out struggling self-esteem. Your cocks must grant wishes when rubbed.