Textmergency

Lyrics

[HARRY] Time is running out You've got to act now Stay one step ahead Of that moronic text somehow   [CONNIE] There's no turning back Here in the danger zone You've got to manually delete that text From that dude's cell phone!   [REBECCA, spoken] Thank you, officers!   [POLICE OFFICER, spoken] Good luck, Rebecca!   [HARRY] It's a— [HARRY & CONNIE] Textmergency   [HARRY] Baby, can't you see? [HARRY & CONNIE] Textmergency [HARRY] That term just occurred to me It's gonna catch on instantly!   [CONNIE] Wait, what about Textastrophe? That sounds better to me! Textastrophe! That could really spread virally!   [HARRY] I prefer textmergency   [REBECCA'S CLIENT] I accidentally texted my mother-in-law A picture of my erection   [CONNIE'S CLIENT] I once group texted my whole staff About my yeast infection!   [HARRY] Exactly! It's so relatable That's why I coined the phrase:   [CONNIE] Textastrophe! That's the meme, don't you agree?   [HARRY] All due respect Textmergency Is the better term, Miss C   [CONNIE] Hmmm, I wanna go with Textastrophe I already put it on Urban Dictionary   [GHOST OF STEVE JOBS, spoken] You fools! It doesn't matter what it's called. That's right, it's me, the ghost of Steve Jobs! What matters is that I control your lives from the grave! Technology is slowly alienating everyone from their loved ones—ha ha ha ha ha! And when you send a few words to the wrong recipient and it immediately destroys your life, that's called a— (sung) Messagepocalypse!   [ALL ROCKERS] Get out of here, Steve Jobs!   [CONNIE'S CLIENT, spoken] Guys, what about that lawyer chick? We've gotten really off track…   [HARRY] She's searching for the spare key Looked under the mat!   [CONNIE] It's clearly hidden in that owl!   [REBECCA'S CLIENT] Look in that flower pot, hurry!   [CONNIE'S CLIENT] Hurry up and check that Buddha sconce   [ALL ROCKERS] Check the Buddha sconce Check the Buddha sconce!   [HARRY] She did it! Now she can delete the text She won't need to come up with a Textcuse!   [CONNIE] Texplanation!   [HARRY, spoken] Textmergency just flows!   [CONNIE, spoken] No, dude, textastrophe, it's what it is...   [REBECCA'S CLIENT, spoken] Dude, she's totally right.  [CONNIE'S CLIENT, spoken] Textscuse me!