My Sperm Is Healthy

Lyrics
(Prelude) [DARRYL] Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh uh huh uh huh [MRS. HERNANDEZ] Oh God, this is gonna be gross (Song) [DARRYL] My sperm is nice and healthy In terms of sperm, I'm wealthy I'm like Warren Buffett I got so much of it That's what my doctors tell me My point is in a nutshell Each time I bust, I bust well I got the quantity And the quality No IUD is stoppin' me 'Cause my semen's steamin' like a demon And all the surrogates be screamin' Just give me some of that Premium-grade baby batter I never splatter My sperm, my sperm Is no cause for concern My sperm is healthy! My sperm is healthy! Aw shucks! Gee whiz! I got the best sperm in the biz My sperm is healthy! My sperm is healthy! My sperm is healthy (instrumental break) (spoken) [MRS. HERNANDEZ] Brad, you too? (Song) [DARRYL] Even though I'm no teenager My boys still throw a rager They get bottle service In every cervix Blowin' eggs up like a pager Every lady's gettin' fertilized Got a diaphragm? It's gettin' pulverized My sperm shines brighter than the sun So wear special glasses or avert your eyes Give thanks my tank's not shootin' blanks I'm in a league of my own, just like Tom Hanks Not a castaway But I blast away That thing I do Is inseminate you With my sperm, my sperm The tests have all confirmed [LAWYERS] His sperm is healthy! His sperm is healthy! [ALL] Aw shucks! Gee whiz! My sperm just aced the quiz My sperm is healthy! My sperm is healthy! My sperm is healthy (Spoken outro) [MRS. HERNANDEZ] Congratulations [DARRYL] Thank you
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Credits
- Writers
- Rachel Bloom
- Jack Dolgen
- Adam Schlesinger