The Cake I Had

Lyrics

[EDITH, spoken] I have no complaints, I have everything I ever wanted [EDIE, spoken] You had a rich husband, you should've stayed with him [EDITH, spoken] I had a perfect marriage, beautiful children Terribly successful marriage, I never had a fight in my life [EDIE, spoken] Ha! [EDITH, spoken] I had a very very happy, satisfying life [EDIE, spoken] Can't be done You can't have your cake and eat it too, you can't [EDITH, spoken] Oh yes I can! I most certainly did have my cake and eat it Down to the last crumb [EDITH] What good is cake you have but never eat? I never could deny myself a sweet So I sliced my life and licked the knife And ate the cake I had [EDIE, spoken] Can't be done, I'm telling you [EDITH] Two perfect sons I thoroughly enjoyed An absent spouse and cats to fill the void And the tristate's best accompanist Oh yes, I ate the cake I had Moist, light, gaily decorated Every tasty morsel Savored, chewed and masticated Young, bright, rich and thin and clever Like a second helping? Sister, would I ever? [EDIE, spoken] I'll probably be an old maid until I die I'll sit around with cats the rest of my life [EDITH, spoken] When are you gonna learn, Edie? You're in this world, y'know You're not out of the world [EDITH] The days are gone when money grew on trees The money tree came down with elm disease But at my age, ducks, for my two bucks I'll eat the cake I have And like it I'll eat the cake I have [EDIE, spoken] I think the saddest thing was my not marrying During the war, my best friend, she was a nurse with the Red Cross She met somebody overseas in a hospital A marine Lost both of his legs at Iwo Jima Romance was inevitable really given the situation But I couldn't travel, mother wasn't well during the war you see [EDITH, spoken] Gerald Gettys worshiped you! And those two nice Rockefeller fellas [EDIE, spoken] Horrible, horrible! [EDITH, spoken] You just didn't wanna get married! Now it's all blamed on me! [EDIE, spoken] I missed out on everything [EDITH] Gripe, groan, point the famous finger Life is disappointing Put the parent through the ringer Sulk, moan, blame it on the mother When I'm dead and buried You won't get another [EDIE, spoken] I met a count in Greenwich Village He was a poet and a playwright and he said "Edith, I wanna make an honest woman outta ya" I thought that was very decent [EDITH, spoken] He didn't have a nickel in his trousers, not a nickel [EDIE, spoken] Mother despised him, gave him the pink slip To think, I could've been a countess Countess Edith [EDITH] Enough with all your celebrated loves You had two hands, you could've modeled gloves Is it my fault that your cake fell flat? That you're unmarried, bald and fat? As the world waltzed by and Edie sat I ate the cake I had And loved it Oh, I ate the cake I had No thanks to daddy I ate the cake I had [EDIE, spoken] Sometimes I think I have the saddest life