The Baseball Game

Lyrics

[TRINA, spoken] Proud of you! [Indistinct shouts of support for Jason from Marvin, Trina, Mendel, Charlotte, and Cordelia.] [MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] We're sitting And watching Jason play baseball We're watching Jason play baseball We're watching Jewish boys Who cannot play baseball, play baseball We're watching Jewish boys Who cannot play baseball play [MARVIN] I hate baseball, I really do Unlike the rest of you I hate baseball [CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] We really wish he'd take this more seriously! [MENDEL] It's weird how he swings the bat! [MARVIN] It's weird how he swings the bat [TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Oh! [MARVIN] And why does he have to throw like that? [MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] We're sitting And watching Jason make errors The most pathetical errors We're watching Jewish boys Who almost read Latin Up, battin' And battin' bad [MENDEL] Remember Sandy Koufax You can do it if you wanna do it Take heart from Hank Greenberg It's not genetic Even you can be copacetic I think, I think I think you can, I think you can [MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] We're sitting And watching Jason play baseball We're watching Jason play baseball! We're watching Jewish boys We're watching Jewish boys We're watching Slide, Jason Slide, Jason Slide! [Whizzer enters.] [MARVIN] What is he doing here? [TRINA] What are you doing here? [WHIZZER] Jason asked me to come Since he asked me to come, I came [TRINA] Just what I wanted at a Little League game My ex-husband's ex-lover! Isn't that what every mother dreams about Having at a Little League game? [MENDEL] Looking at Whizzer is like eating trayf [CORDELIA] The kid was out! [CHARLOTTE] The kid was safe! [CORDELIA] The kid was out! [CHARLOTTE, spoken] That kid was safe! [Marvin, Trina, and Mendel urge Charlotte to calm down.] [WHIZZER, spoken] Hey! (sung) I love baseball I love Jason That's what I'm doing here [CHARLOTTE, spoken] Hey, where the hell'd they get that umpire? Oops, sorry. Sorry! [MARVIN] Look who's here Say hello [WHIZZER, spoken] Hello.​ [MARVIN] You're looking sweeter than a donut [WHIZZER, spoken] Marvin.​ [MARVIN, spoken] Whizzer.​ [WHIZZER] Is he still queer? [MARVIN] Am I queer? [TRINA] I don't know! [MENDEL] Does it matter? [MARVIN] It's been so long since I could tell Sit in front of me I wanna see the bald spot! (spoken) C'mon, c'mon! (sung) Move in front of me It gives me pleasure to see the bald spot! Since it's the only Physical imperfection that you've got I wanna see it I wanna touch it I wanna run my hands through it! [WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] We're sitting And watch the kid as he misses! We're watching Marvin throw kisses We're watching sixty-seven pounders Watching Jewish boys miss grounders [MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Watching boys field, boys bat Boys this, boys that Watching Jason on deck [CHARLOTTE, spoken] Come on! [MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Swinging the bat! [TRINA, spoken] Here we go, honey! [MENDEL, spoken] Woo! [WHIZZER, spoken] Hey, Jason! [JASON, spoken] Oh, hi, Whizzer! Glad you came! [WHIZZER] Keep your head in the box Don't think of a thing Keep your head in the box Your eye on the ball Take a breath, then let it out And swing! [CHARLOTTE, spoken] That's what I'm talking about. That's how it's supposed to look! [WHIZZER, MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA, ALL] Keep your head in the box (Keep your head in the box) Don't think of a thing (Don't think of a thing) Keep your head in the box (Keep your head in the box) Your eye on the ball (Your eye on the ball) Take a breath, then let it out And swing! [WHIZZER, spoken] Okay, go get 'em! [JASON, spoken] Thanks, Whizzer! [MARVIN] Even bald, he looks good [WHIZZER] Just remember he's psychotic [MARVIN] He looks damn good, but he's cheap as dirt [WHIZZER] Even maniacs can charm Which he does, so beware [MARVIN] And just be careful [WHIZZER] When he smiles that smile, avoid him Or else sound the alert! [MARVIN, spoken] Whizzer? [WHIZZER, spoken] Marvin? [MARVIN, spoken] Do you think there's any hope for the kid? [WHIZZER, spoken] I love Jason, but this is... not his venue.​ [Marvin laughs.] [WHIZZER, MARVIN, BOTH] How could I know (How could I know) Without him My life would be boring as shit? [COMMENTATOR, spoken] Batter up! [MARVIN] But it is [TRINA, MENDEL, CORDELIA, CHARLOTTE, spoken simultaneously] Jason! You got this, buddy! Come on, buddy! Come on! [WHIZZER, spoken] Jason, you gotta stand a little closer to the plate! [CORDELIA, spoken] Next to it.​ [MARVIN] Yes, it is [CHARLOTTE, spoken] Get in there! [MARVIN, spoken] He's gonna be hit by the ball! [MARVIN & WHIZZER] Please, God, don't let me make the same mistake! [MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] We're sitting And watching Jason, the batter We know our cheering won't matter It is the very final inning And the other team is winning And there's two outs, two strikes But the bases are loaded and [MARVIN] Would it be possible to see you, or to kiss you Or to give you a call? [WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Anything's possible [MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Jason hit The ball! (spoken) Run!