Funny Honey

Lyrics

[EMCEE, spoken] For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song Of love and devotion dedicated to her dear husband Amos [ROXIE] Sometime's I'm right Sometime's I'm wrong But he doesn't care He'll string along He loves me so That funny honey of mine Sometime's I'm down Sometime's I'm up But he follows 'round Like some droopy-eyed pup He loves me so That funny honey of mine He ain't no sheik That's no great physique Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts But look at that soul I tell you, the whole Is a whole lot greater than The sum of his parts And if you knew him like me I know you'd agree What if the world Slandered my name? Why he'd be right there Takin' the blame He loves me so And it all suits me fine That funny, sunny, honey Hubby of mine [AMOS, spoken] A man's got a right to protect his home And his loved ones, right? [FOGARTY, spoken] Of course, he has [AMOS, spoken] Well, I came in from the garage, Officer, and I See him coming through the window. With my Wife Roxanne there, sleepin'... like an angel... an angel! [ROXIE] He loves me so That Funny honey of mine [AMOS, spoken] I mean supposin', just supposin', he had violated her or somethin'... you know what I mean... Violated? [FOGARTY, spoken] I know what you mean [AMOS, spoken] ... or somethin'. Think how terrible that would have been It's a good thing I came home from work on time, I'm tellin' ya that! I say I'm tellin' ya that! [ROXIE] He loves me so That funny honey of mine [FOGARTY, spoken] Name of deceased... Fred Casely [AMOS, spoken] Fred Casely. How could he be a burglar? My wife knows him! He sold us our furniture! [ROXIE] Lord knows he ain't got the smarts [AMOS, spoken] She lied to me. She told me he was a burglar! [FOGARTY, spoken] You mean he was dead when you got home? [AMOS, spoken] She had him covered with a sheet already and she's givin' me that cock and bull story about this burglar, and I ought to say that I did it 'cause I was sure to get off Burglar, huh! [ROXIE] Now, he shot off his trap With just one more brain What a half-wit he'd be If they string me up I'll know who Brought the twine [AMOS, spoken] And I believed her! That cheap little tramp So, she's two-timing me, huh? Well she can just swing for all I care Boy, I'm down at the garage Working my butt off, fourteen hours a day And she's up munchin' on bonbons And tramping around like some goddamn floozy Thought you could pull a war by I wasn't born yet I tell you there's something a man just can't take This time she pushed me too far That little chiseler Boy, what a sap I was! [ROXIE] That scummy crummy Dummy hubby of mine