Blue Obsidian (Been Telling You)

Lyrics

[Verse 1] My knees loaded with splinters After I'm pushed down in a cold, dark closet screamin' and kickin' Then expected to accept religion, reelin' timid Real intimate, I became with bein' aware of my hyperventillated breathin' pattern, was skittish Angry, scared, bleedin' from my own tongue that was bitten Yellin', "Please let me out!", at six years old I ain't know what I did to deserve this kind of infliction Every adult that I told this was occurrin', Nelly, Sally, a fellow mute witness I'm the highest risk of sеlf-harm according to most kid statistics How could I not produce some sort of kind of mental illnеss? Silently sufferin' in endless, pitch black, dark, cold, total stillness The hoarse voice from screamin', the ripped fingernails from clawin' The starvation, sitting in my own piss I was six years old, man, like, for real, how the fuck was this allowed to happen? I've developed other personalities in that claustrophobic space, thank God I've found writing as a mental distraction I plan to buy that house in Plainfield where my childhood was fractured Demolish it, maybe the demons'll vanquish and I feel healed in some fraction, but I doubt it [Bridge 1] I'm down on my knees in silent prayer In a cemetery in New Jersey that I used to call home It's crazy, I ain't even felt alive at that time No, not at all Repeatedly made myself bleed and all of it's gory All of the angels saw me, saw me Droplets all over an unmarked grave in the starshine The pain was nothing but a gift of time Tears spillin' until I had none, it left me Hopeless, left me blind [Verse 2] The weapons that were formed against me I felt them, felt them Weed and helter-skelter I was a +Silent Art Child+ without food and shelter Is this the existence I was meant for? It drove me mental which drives me to the question: Why did he put his hands on me? Somebody tell me, tell me, tell me Why was I considered normal? Somebody tell me, tell me, tell me Why wasn't I worth my mama helpin', helpin', helpin' That conversation goes ignored even to this day (Yeah) The scars still remain and I'm broken and the pain won't go away (Nah!) Not even for one day (Nah!) Maybe some time some way there'll be a (I pray) Winged angel to hold me, somebody for me I wish I loved me, I was told I deserved this I was told that I was worthless (Don't give up!) [Chorus 1] I'm in this darkness, I've been telling you I'm in this darkness, I've been telling you I'm in this darkness, I've been telling you (You got this) Darkness, been telling you (Won't you give up, my nigga, you got this) [Verse 3] You can't heal if you keep pretendin' nothin' is wrong I'm extending my strength to you when you're all alone in your room while you're listening to this song I'm there for you, I swear to you Understand how much long sleeves hide When your skin is bruised all the way to the bone Broken wings no child is prepared for You can't walk a mile in my little shoes, motherfucker, I was barefoot Vertically slit wrist bleedin' all over the toweled bathroom At 8 years old, the paramedics were baffled It takes a lot to walk with what I walk with I would always be a little withdrawn and socially awkward She let her friend Musette lock me in the closet God, are there any other colors for me than darkness? God, are there any other colors for me than darkness? God, are there any other colors for me? God, are there any other colors for me? [Chorus 2] Don't give up You're gonna make it out Don't give up [Chorus 1] I'm in this darkness, I've been telling you I'm in this darkness, I've been telling you I'm in this darkness, I've been telling you If you're in the darkness, I'm next to you [Bridge 2] You're never alone Fingerprints left on obsidian stone A tear for the tearless Let's have a round of applause for the realest I'm in the darkness, Im telling you Learn from me and the hell that I've been through I'm right next to you [Chorus 2] Don't give up You're gonna make it out Don't give up You're gonna make it out Don't give up One more day One more day [Outro] *Screaming* Somebody help No, please, let me out, please Let me out, I'm done