Postcard To Mindy Kaling From The Parking Lot of In ‘N’ Out Burger

Danielle Mitchell - Non-Music, Poetry (Literature)
Postcard To Mindy Kaling From The Parking Lot of In ‘N’ Out Burger
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From what you tell of it, we both grew up like chubby Indian girls. My mom made spaghetti & enchiladas & avocados on toast. I would say we ate "American" food, but that's not fair to any of us. When I say "us" I mean you & me & whoever we are or who wants to be sleeping with us. The people who really care. I'm somewhere reading your book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? & realizing my coming-of-age story is titled I've Run Out of Reasons to Love Me & the Vodka is Missing. In the afternoons I drive by In-'N-Out Burger & make a U-turn to get a chocolate milkshake. Or a vanilla milkshake. It really doesn't matter what kind of milkshake, you see this is where I'm at in life. My ass hates me & guys love my ass & I fear my ass & what it might accomplish on this French fry & milkshake diet. Sometimes it's really late at night when I show up here & I've just had an anxiety attack & feel like I haven't eaten in 15 days. No man will understand how I want to be hated & adored like, say, the Oakland Raiders & there's no way in hell I'd go 15 days without eating. I park under a streetlight so the drive-thru attendant could see me getting carjacked & contemplate what you would say here. You'd say, Danielle, you should just keep being what you are & wearing really tight dresses. Or you'd say Damn girl you got some fries with that shake? & I'd say, Thanks Mindy, you're probably right. Then we'd go shopping for Spankx together. On our way through the mall we'd shop the "economy bin" at LensCrafters & pick out matching eyeglasses. Now we look like badass nerds. Mindy, I can't wait for our thirties—we'll be total thugs. Right?
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Credits
- Writers
- Danielle Mitchell