The Worst Pies in London

Lyrics

[MRS. LOVETT, spoken] A customer! (sung) Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry? You gave me such a— Fright! I thought you was a ghost Half a minute, can'tcher? Sit! Sit you down! Sit! All I meant is that I Haven't seen a customer for weeks Did you come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if my head's a little vague Ugh! What is that? But you'd think we'd have the plague From the way that people— Keep avoiding— No, you don't! Heaven knows I try, sir! Yich! But there's no one comes in even to inhale Right you are, sir. Would you like a drop of ale? Mind you I can hardly blame them— These are probably the worst piеs in London I know why nobody cares to take them— I should know I makе them But good? No The worst pies in London— Even that's polite The worst pies in London— If you doubt it, take a bite Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it It's nothing but crusting— Here, drink this, you'll need it The worst pies in London— And no wonder, with the price of meat What it is When you get it Never Thought I'd live to see the day Men'd think it was a treat Finding poor Animals What are dying in the street Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop Does a business, but I notice something weird— Lately, all her neighbors' cats have disappeared Have to hand it to her— What I calls Enterprise Popping pussies into pies Wouldn't do in my shop— Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick And I'm telling you them pussycats is quick! No denying times is hard, sir— Even harder than The worst pies in London Only lard and nothing more— Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty It looks like it's molting And tastes like— Well, pity A woman alone With limited wind And the worst pies in London! Ah, sir Times is hard, times is hard