How to Handle a Woman

Lyrics

[ARTHUR] You swore that you had taught me everything from A to Zed With nary an omission in between Well, I shall tell you what You obviously forgot That's how a ruler rules a queen! And what of teaching me by turning me to animal or bird From beaver to the smallest bobolink? I should have had a whirl At changing to a girl To learn the way the creatures think But wasn't there a night, on a summer long gone by We passed a couple wrangling away And did I not say, "Merlyn, what if that chap were I?" And did he not give counsel and say What was it now? My mind's a wall Oh yes! By jove, now I recall "How to handle a woman? There's a way," said thе wise old man "A way known by every woman Sincе the whole rigmarole began" "Do I flatter her?" I begged him answer "Do I threaten or cajole or plead? Do I brood or play the gay romancer?" Said he, smiling, "No indeed" "How to handle a woman? Mark me well, I will tell you, sir The way to handle a woman Is to love her, simply love her Merely love her, love her, love her"