Ode to the Musical

Lyrics

[MICHAEL] The theater—ain't it grand? The theater—ain't it great? But there's one form of theater that I can't stand There's one form of theater that I hate And it isn't the dramas of Miller or of William Inge It isn't the works of Williams over whom I cringe So I'll tell you if you want to know It's the curiosity known as the musical show Oh I hate Hello, Dolly! I hate The Unsinkable Molly Brown I hate Carousel, I hate Wonderful Town I hate Sweeney Todd My God, they never stop singing I think Bye Byе Birdie is odd And I hate the Bеlls Are Ringing Bennett and Bob Fosse They're all the glitter and glossy same I hate Chorus Line, I hate Gypsy and Mame Jerry Herman's shows Should close before they leave Boston Next he'll musicalize the prose Of Dostoyevsky or Austen Of Berlin, I'm not very fond, I'm Not impressed by Stephen Sondheim Wouldn't pay a quarter To see a show that's by Cole Porter Comden and Green leave me cold Kander and Ebb leave me bored Gershwin and Kern, Styne And Rodgers and Bernstein In me they just don't strike a chord I hate them I hate all the tuners I hate the dancers and crooners—please I hate all the scores in their various keys [WOMEN] Various keys [MICHAEL] Please take my advice Think twice before you're reserving Forty bucks a seat—is that nice? It isn't what you're deserving I hate stupid songs I hate silly words I hate lousy books It's all for the birds [MICHAEL, WOMEN, MICHAEL & WOMEN] I hate (He hates) musical comedy I hate (He hates) musical comedy I hate (He hates) musical comedy shows