Typical Self-Made American (1930)

Lyrics

[FLETCHER] While other lads were trying out the bicycle Or pitching pennies on the parlor floor Their pleasures left me colder than an icicle For I knew what I was predestined for [YES MEN] Yes, he knew what he was predestined for [FLETCHER] I got a job and worked both day and night at it And all the day I never watched the clock The big boss thought I was so very bright at it That when I poisoned him he left me all the stock I was therе when opportunity came to knock [JIM] Like a hеro in an Alger novel He was born and brought up in a hovel [FLETCHER] Though I often had to face disaster I would always prove myself the master [YES MEN] He would always prove himself the master [FLETCHER] I'm a man of very quick decision For I always had the gift of vision [JIM] He upholds the country's Constitution And he hates the Russian Revolution [YES MEN] How he hates the Russian Revolution! He upholds the country's laws Because, because, because, because [FLETCHER] I am a typical self-made American I've been a go-getter ever since life began In a modest way, I feel I am basically sound With my shoulder to the wheel And my two feet on the ground [FLETCHER, JIM & YES MEN] I am / He is a typical, typical, typical self-made American [FLETCHER] From the lowest of the ranks I've risen [JIM] Now both honor and success are his'n [FLETCHER] Always fighting for the small consumer [JIM] And now tell 'em of your sense of humor [YES MEN] Of your devastating sense of humor [FLETCHER] I'm a Mason and an Elk and Woodman [JIM] Which unquestionably shows a good man [FLETCHER] I've been very good to dear old Mother [YES MEN] So we'll never work for any other We don't care to work for any other And we give him our applause Because, because, because, because He is a typical self-made American [FLETCHER] With wheat cakes for breakfast, corn flakes and lots of bran I'm as good a man, I feel As a ruler who is crowned With my shoulder to the wheel And my two feet on the ground [FLETCHER, JIM & YES MEN] I am / He is a typical, typical, typical self-made American! [JIM, spoken] Now Mr. Fletcher, about that tariff— [FLETCHER] Though my— [JIM, spoken] Okay [FLETCHER] Clothes from London are imported [JIM] And Italian cars alone he's sported Though he gets his liquor from Bermuda [FLETCHER] And my secretary's a Yehudah [YES MEN] And his secretary's a Yehudah [FLETCHER] Though they tell me that my nose is Grecian And my drinking glasses are Venetian Though I've ribbons from the king of Siam What a patriotic Yankee I am [YES MEN] What a patriotic Yank that guy am And his health we hereby toast We toast, we toast, and boast, and boast He is a typical self made American Where in the world could you show us a nobler man? [FLETCHER] In a modest way I feel I'm as solid as a rock I made Mother my ideal And I never watched the clock [FLETCHER, JIM & YES MEN] I am / He is a typical, typical, typical self-made American!