100 Producer Name Rap

Lyrics

[Verse 1] It was just another day when I walked into Bar 9 Sat down and got talking to a girl I spied She fine like Aphrodite I said "Hi! I'm Dave, what's your name?" She said "I'm Diana-Jane but you can call me DJ" Hyped up, this girl seemed keen, I got talking more She was a Gemini and liked water sports And craft work and retro video games "Like the SNES?" "Hell yeah, forget these hi-tech specs 16 bit, that's the golden age!" Yo, things were going great I ordered a drink so we could continue to conjugate "I'll have a Max Martini - and you DJ?" "I'll have a wine, a red one please, Dave" We sat at a table, the waiter came "What you hungry for DJ?" "Fresh food is fine, I dunno, just feed me" "Okay, let's get a dish of the day And I'll take one of the same" The food came and we ate "Wait, waiter - what's this?" "What's wrong, sir?" "These fries are cold, I'd expect hot chips and they're not chrispy And the bloody beetroots are out of place in this dish And what's this, see, it looks like an infected mushroom, it's sick!" "So no tip" and we left quick So we went with Plan B Booked another date, figured logistics and then she said "Wait, my moby's ringing... Hello? My ex is on the line" "Are you still...?" "No, he just left stuff at mine" "Um, okay" And I silently sighed with relief, she said "I've just gotta drop it off at his some time" Then the night was fine and then we said our goodbyes [Verse 2] The date came, she called But she was that sick, she cancelled Well I didn't wanna waste the night, I took the chance And went to the club with my mates Joe and Mike Joe said "Mike shi', no damn hot girls in sight Mike, why is that?" "'Cause all these chicks is fat Boy, slim pickings tonight." Joe agreed with that, then asked "Mike, skin a cig, my cravings are starting And I need a fix" "Okay, sure", and out the door they darted Then I heard some girls, they stormed in on a hen night Running like headless chicks and gettin' with every man in sight One came over, a thin bitch, a skinny puppy And though I'm not one to judge, jewels coloured a goldy green ain't pretty But she started shouting in my ear, noisier than the sub Focusing hard so I could hear over the sound of the club Things quickly turned intense, she asked me to bang her "Are you even 18?" "Well, uh, near enough, man" "What?!" "I'm joking, here's my ID", I said "This has clearly been doctored" Read on, "Oh god, this is DJ! This is not good, for real girl, I've had enough" "Oh you're such a bore, gonna spice things up" She downed her cup, dipped low, and started grinding her Benny Benassi on my hips The friction was insane, then her friend took a photo, I was framed! This was ludicrous "Please, just go away, miss" She finally heard me over the noise, stormed off to find another boy [Verse 3] I got out of there fast, but on the way back I heard a scream outside somebody's flat This place was dangerous 'cause it was late, an owl city But wait - that sounds like my lucky date, is she...? Yeah, there was DJ's shadow, so I started chasing shadows And found a man making bare noise, shouting loud It was her ex fella with her, I stopped dead He faced up to her square Push her back to the billboard behind her, then said "You'll live by my rules when you're in my house If you take my cheese, you'll be a dead mouse!" She said "I won't be cheated on and beaten Rob You're just a weak man compensating for your lil' Jon" "What?!" He went to hit her again, with evil intent But I, in defence mode, stepped in to protect I got up in his grill, expecting a new fight DJ called out, but I said "Chill, I got this joker, alright?" "Rob, s'why are you hitting girls, what is this? So don't get pushy Rob, or now who are you, Chris Brown?" "Stay out of my business" He launched this massive attack I ducked my head under, so it missed "Rob, two can play at that game" I raised my anger fist And hit him but landing the punch made me ache on my wrist But he flinched, so I aimed a strong hit high Contrasting it with a swift kick to the thigh Swiped his legs out, KO, and he fell base over apex Twinging on guilt, I checked his pulse, but he was just at rest I said "Why don't you catch up on some Zed's? Deadbeat guys like you deserve the curb as a bed" [Verse 4] DJ's incredible gaze was amazed She said "My ex is insane" "Yeah I thought mine are bad But he's a different case of crazy" "Hey wait, is that Katy?" Then her friend appeared with haste, after hearing the fray She saw DJ with Dave, something clicked in her brain She said, "Stay away DJ, quick, he's a fake" On her phone she showed an image, and heaped on the blame Then spit this bitchy rhetoric, rubbing the pain in It was the picture of me with her sister grinding DJ ran away, I gave chase and stayed just behind Then I asked a dude "Can you tell me where she went?" "Me? Sure man, saw her go down that street with tears to her cheeks" But it was too late My phone was out of battery, so I called when I got in And heard "Welcome to the BT answering machine" I logged onto the net, skyped her, and she picked up the line I said "It's not what you think", she said "David, get a life There's no justice, you're just like other guys" I swore "It's not the truth Check your sister's ID, it's doctored, look" Just in time she burst in, drunk out of her mind Began a verbal cascade "This night sucked, I tried it on with some boy But he wouldn't put out, and guess the reason why He recognized you from your ID. Did I mention I took it?" "Why?" S'cause I'm unable to get into clubs otherwise" "You can't just doctor people's IDs", DJ screamed, but she fainted DJ gave her a prod "Did she?" Checked her ID and said "I'm sorry, I thought you were faithless Will you forgive me?" "Let's see, that all depends You lump me in with guys like him, you gotta understand sum' Well I am not like him, he's just another daft punk It's time to bury all the past and that junk" "Why does this have to be complex?" We talked it out all night until she got it off her chest She said "I like you, Dave, you saved me, you're my favourite man" Don't get overzealous, girl, I'm just a boy in a band"