The Twelve Pains of Christmas

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Choir] The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is finding a Christmas tree [Verse 2: Choir, Robert Ellis Orrall] The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 3: Choir, Hungover man, Robert Ellis Orrall] The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Hangovers Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 4: Choir, Exhausted man, Hungover man, Robert Ellis Orrall] The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Sending Christmas cards Hangovers Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 5: Choir, Exhausted man, Hungover man, Robert Ellis Orrall] The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Five months of bills! Sending Christmas cards Hangovers Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 6: Choir, Lisa Rivers, Exhausted man, Hungover man, *Robert Ellis Orrall*] The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Facing my in-laws Five months of bills! Oh, I hate those Christmas cards! Hangovers *Rigging up these lights!* And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 7: Choir, Nervous wife's husband, Lisa Rivers, Exhausted man, *Hungover man*, *Robert Ellis Orrall*] The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: The Salvation Army Facing my in-laws Five months of bills! Sending Christmas cards *Oh, geez!* *I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!* And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 8: Choir, Keith Rivers, Nervous wife's husband, Exhausted man, *Hungover man*, *Robert Ellis Orrall*] The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me: I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS! Charities, and whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?! Five months of bills! Oh, making out these cards *Eh, could you get me a beer, huh?* *What, we have no extension cords?!* And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 9: Choir, Tired father, Keith Rivers, Nervous wife's husband, *Lisa Rivers*, *Exhausted man*, *Hungover man*, **Robert Ellis Orrall**] The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Finding parking spaces DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY! Donations! *Facing my in-laws* Five months of bills! *Writing out those Christmas cards* *Hangovers!* **Now why the hell are they blinking?!** And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 10: Choir, Mother, Tired father, Keith Rivers, *Nervous wife's husband*, *Lisa Rivers*, *Exhausted man*, **Hungover man**, **Robert Ellis Orrall**] The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: "Batteries Not Included"?! No parking spaces BUY ME SOMETHIN'! *Get a job, ya bum!* *Oh, facing my in-laws!* Five months of bills! *Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards* **Oh, geez, look at this!** One light goes out, they all go out!** And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 11: Choir, Couch potato, Mother, Tired father, *Keith Rivers*, *Nervous wife's husband*, *Lisa Rivers*, **Exhausted man**, **Hungover man**, **Robert Ellis Orrall**] The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me: Stale TV specials "Batteries Not Included"? No parking spaces *DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!* *Charities!* *She's a witch...I hate her!* Five months of bills! **Oh, I don't even know half these people!** **Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?** **Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!** And finding a Christmas tree [Verse 12: Choir, Two Tired Carolers, Couch potato, Mother, *Tired father*, *Andrew Rivers*, *Nervous wife's husband*, **Lisa Rivers**, **Exhausted man**, **Hungover man**, -Robert Ellis Orrall-] The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me: Singing Christmas carols Stale TV specials "Batteries Not Included"? *"No parking"?!* *WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!* *Charities!* **Gotta make 'em dinner!** Five months of bills! **I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!** **Shut up, you!** -FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!- And finding a Christmas tree