Unicorse (Script)

Lyrics

OK, she's asleep. What do you want to watch tonight, babe? Do you watch TV after we go to sleep? Bluey! Not again. Come on, back to bed. I don't want to go to bed. Too bad, kid. But why do we have to sleep? Why can't we just stay awake all night? 'Cause that's the way the world is. Well, I'm going to make it so that's not how the world is. That might be tricky. People like to sleep. Well, I'll take everyone's bed to the dump. Yeah, they'll probably just sleep on the couch. Well, I'll take the couches to the dump too. Oh, sounds like a big job. You'll need a full night's sleep for that. Yeah, I will. 'Night. Hey, wait, no! Ugh. Come on, I'll read you a story. You know she can't help it. I know. Can you help me? Oh, yeah, I've got an idea. Wait, is it a bad idea? Mum, are you grumpy with me? No, honey, I'm OK. Come on. Once upon a time, there was a village. Are you sure you're not grumpy? No, I just want you to go to sleep. And in the village... Hey, hey! Unicorse! Oh, no, not Unicorse. MUM: This episode of Bluey, unfortunately, is called Unicorse. Budge up, budge up! Watch the horn. What are we reading? Well, it's a story... Yawn! Here, read this. It's got a unicorn in it. I'm not reading that. Fine, I'll read it. (READS HALTINGLY) Onse up on a tim... Oh, I wish I could read! (GIGGLES) Unicorse, Bluey is finding it a little hard to get to sleep, so we're actually trying to calm things down a bit. Well, that's gonna be hard with me around! Yeah! (SHOUTS) (GIGGLES) Shh! Bingo's asleep. I don't care! Well, I do. So how about you and your little mate jog on? I ain't goin' nowhere, toots. My name is Chilli. Oh, I'm sorry, Silly. Chilli. Billy. Yeah, that's what I said. Out! (WHIMPERS) Oh, Mum, please can Unicorse stay? Bluey, he's the most annoying unicorn in the world. Guilty! But I can turn him into a nice Unicorse. I promise I can. Right, Unicorse? Nuh. Don't listen to him. Please, can he stay? Fine. But we're reading this book, not yours. You will live to regret that. (CLEARS THROAT) Once upon a time there was a village, and in the village, everyone walked around barefoot. Ah, yay! Unicorse, I can't see the page! Aaaand, why should I care? Oh, I forgot about the catchphrase. If you block the words, Mum can't read the story. Aaaand, why should I care? Because stories are nice. My story was nice. It had a unicorn in it. This one has zero unicorns, and the ending's boring. She just makes sho... Ah! Don't spoil the ending. Why not? 'Cause Bluey hasn't heard it. Aaaand, why should I care? Unicorse, I'm trying to make you a nice Unicorse. OK, OK, OK. Please continue, Milly. I won't spoil the ending. Where she makes shoes. BOTH: Unicorse! Haaa! Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo. One day, the Queen decided to get off her litter and have a walk around. (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Changed my mind. Oh, wait, changed it again. Actually, I will. No, not today. Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down... Unicorse! That is bad behaviour. Meh-meh-meh. Meh-meh-meh-ma-ma-meh. Oh! So is that. Meep-meep-meep-meep. Shall we continue? Ugh, yes. Ha... Meep. So the Queen walked a few steps, and stood on a prickle. Ouch! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Unicorse, that's mean. How would you feel if you stood on a prickle? I'd feel good. I'd feel so good I'd dance. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) You wouldn't dance! You'd be crying, like the Queen. Well, maybe she should wear some shoes. Unicorse! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Anyway, the Queen discovered that her whole kingdom was covered in prickles. What was she to do? Make shoes. Ugh. Bluey? Ooh, I know! Unicorse, what's your favourite food? Children. Oh. Just kidding. I like chicken bucket. Oh, great. Look, here's some chicken bucket. Oh, thank you. Mighty kind. OK, we're good to go. So the Queen had an idea. She will cover the whole kingdom in leather. That way, no one will ever stand on the prickles a... (SNAP!) ..gain. So she got to work. (SNAPS) All day and night the Queen worked, covering her whole kingdom in leather. Ugh! Can you please chew with your mouth shut? I can chew with my mouth shut, of course I can. Thank you. The Queen just... But I'm not gonna! Grr, that's it. I'm out. Catch you on the flipside, Willy. Wait, no! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) I'm done, Bluey. I can handle this, Mum. Unicorse! Ow! My back. My neck! My back and my neck! (GIGGLES) I just tapped you on the shoulder. Whiplash! Whiplash! Call my lawyer! Ohh. Look Bluey, good on you for trying, but you can't change Unicorse. Ugh. I think you're right. I'm not sure you can change anyone very much. Well, what can we change? Well, we can stop letting Unicorse annoy us. Really, how? Maybe we ignore him? He's pretty hard to ignore. Let's give it a go. The Queen just couldn't do any more. She was too tired. Oh, here he comes. Remember, just ignore him. (CLEARS THROAT) Are you Willy Heeler? I'm Chilli Heeler. Mum. Oh, yes, sorry. But then the Jester said to the Queen, "Your Majesty, "instead of covering the whole kingdom in leather, "why not just cover your feet?" Stop that reading. This is a very serious matter. One of you karate chopped my client. Karate chopped? Bluey. Oh, yeah, sorry. So the Queen cut two little bits of leather and made them into shoes. Hey, I'm talking to you. Yeah, listen to him! So the people could walk anywhere they wanted, and the prickles couldn't hurt them. Stop reading! Unicorse, let me handle this. Hey, watch it, mate, or I'll have to get a little pokie. OK, as your lawyer, I... Here I come! Oof! Arghh! Hey! You're gonna get it! And they all lived happily ever after. Shall we leave them to it? Yeah, I'm tired. You're gonna get it now, mate. Yah-hah!