Lyrics

Yo! If you're like me, you probably heard the news that late last night. Donald J. Trump, president of the United States has tested positive for COVID-19. And as a comedian, I'm not gonna lie, my first instinct was to make jokes. Jokes about how a 74-year-old man, who doesn't eat vegetables and eats way too much meat is literally the kind of guy that Corona puts in its dating profile. I mean, I also wanted to make jokes about how Dr. Fauci is probably at the White House right now you know, prescribing Trump bleach injections and bottles of "I Told You So, Dumbass." But thеn another idea came to my mind and it was this: If thе president of the United States can get the Coronavirus, then what excuse do the rest of us random assholes have for not wearing a mask? This guy literally had people tested around him, he had the Secret Service bitch-slap anyone who even sneezed in his direction. And yet still, because he wasn't wearing a mask and he insisted coronavirus was fake and didn't take the necessary precautions he should have, now he's back in the Bunker being cussed at by Melania like he was a White House Christmas decoration. People, coronavirus doesn't care about your politics. It doesn't care if you believe in it or not. What it does care about is if you're wearing a mask. And no, I'm not saying that a mask makes you impervious, but I'm saying if it can help at all, then why not take the chance? Because if Corona could get Trump, the guy who beat the popular vote, the guy who beat Robert Mueller, the guy who beat 18 Republicans, the guy who beat the IRS, the guy who beat the Me Too movement, the guy who beat the English language - Well, then you best believe that Corona can get you. Wear a mask.