Song Meaning
The lyrics open with a stark declaration: "Then me, then me, then me, then humans." This immediately sets a tone of self-reliance, almost a defiant prioritization of the self over others. The narrator insists she's not arrogant, nor without value, but her experiences in this world have shown her things that are profoundly disheartening, enough to "shake mountains." This leads to a sense of solitary existence, a life lived "with myself," without regret, and a clear expectation of departing this world in the same solitary state.
The core tension arises from a deep weariness with the greed and lack of genuine affection she perceives. She states, "I'm tired of the greed in me, I don't remember the one I loved ever honoring me." The implication is that relationships have been transactional, leaving her feeling unappreciated and unfulfilled. The line "There is no goodness in this world except by the mercy of God, and I haven't found it" underscores a profound disillusionment with humanity's inherent nature, suggesting that any positive qualities are rare and elusive, and notably, absent in her own encounters.
The most striking element is the powerful repetition of "Then me, then me, then me." This isn't just a statement of self-importance; it feels like a protective shield forged from repeated disappointment. The narrator's past kindness, "I was kind, it didn't pay off, even my goodness wasn't mentioned," directly fuels this self-preservation. Her goodness went unnoticed, unrewarded, pushing her further into a solitary, self-contained existence where her own well-being is the only certainty.
This lyrical construction is effective because it grounds a potentially isolating theme in relatable experiences of betrayal and unacknowledged effort. The shift from acknowledging human existence to prioritizing the self, driven by a history of unmet expectations, creates a poignant portrait of someone who has learned to depend solely on their own strength. The repeated self-affirmation, "Then me, then me, then me, then me," becomes a mantra of survival against a world that has consistently failed to reciprocate kindness.