Lyrics

[JUDY, spoken] Miss Thorn, the reason I've asked you here is that Tina's awfully upset about not playing Pippi [MISS THORN, spoken] I must admit, in all my years as a professional actress, and I've worked on both coasts, I've never known anyone to want a part so desperately. It's as if starring in the play means too much to Tina [JUDY, spoken] That's what worries me [MISS THORN, sung] There's no need to worry Unknit your brow Although Tina's Experience tells me I'm happy to say She'll get over her disappointment... Someday [MISS THORN, spoken] She'll learn being a star isn't everything. There are many wonderful careers one can choose, that are at least rewarding and equally exciting Why, look at me... [MISS THORN] Teaching third grade Shaping the minds of a new generation No longer afraid To get on with my life and off... medication Sure I went to New York To be an overnight sensation More than a face I was a winning combination Of talent and grace I wish I had mace My purse got nabbed My ass got grabbed Behind Penn Station Now I'm back Lord At the blackboard Teaching third grade [JUDY, spoken] Don't you think it's a good idea for someone in show business to have something to fall back on? [MISS THORN] Something to fall back on My guiding rule of thumb That's how I became what I become At night I get cozy Pour wine, light the tapers I sit there, alone there Oh - I love grading papers! The pay is terrific My summers are free So, who needs the limelight When you can be me? Yeah, I had something to fall back on Safe and so secure With very few surprises in store I watch too much telly I never get laid God, I'm so bored I hate teaching third grade! [JUDY, spoken] I wonder what's keeping Tina [MISS THORN] Sick of Jane and sick of Dicky Never quiet -- always sticky [JUDY, spoken] Would you look at the time? [MISS THORN] Noses runny, noses bleedy Little runts so bloody needy [JUDY, spoken] Can I get you anything? [MISS THORN] How 'bout a drink? Got any weed? I can't take it God, I need Something to fall back on From what I've fallen back on [JUDY, spoken] About Tina... [MISS THORN] As far as the lead in the show, my dear She'll have to get over not starring this year Into each life, rain falls, I'm afraid Life is a bitch And it starts in third grade