The Day You Died Because You Wanted To

Lyrics

In something like our mothers we grew 'til red was again the color of the water and pain wasn't something anything any of us would point to because it was what was And morning came not knowing if it would come again And love was the only thing assumed And "love should have been enough" someone without a heart might say The day you died because you wanted to I tied my wisdom tooth to a doorknob and pulled it loose Take everything I think I know Every answer is a grave Now the questions are the rain I walk through to find my way to god And my only god is faith that there is comfort here that who is hurting might hurt less than they did before What else are all these coins and all these wells for if not to wish the grief asleep in the lap of someone's else's grief 'til grief comes not knowing if it will come again Your sister thought the hearse was a limousine 'til she asked where it was going and then she knew for sure That's what a word like heaven will do But heaven wasn't what you were aiming for You didn't think the other side would be better You thought the other side would be nothing at all Imagine choosing nothing at all Imagine something hurting that bad I didn't still have the ring you'd given me I'd crushed it with a rock to see how much you loved me I love you to pieces too It me hurts in my head now how you knew the water wasn't deep enough to dive into But I won't let anyone say it was a shallow thing you did I knew it was your entire body finally pointing, saying, "Here, here is where the pain is" I can crush a can with the heal of my shoe I can drive by your mother's house if I want to, but I don't want to She was there when you bought the ring She knew how long you'd been saving Me– I didn't save anything But you don't lose a person like a set of keys 'cause you don't find them again and you can still get to where you're going Resilience itself is an awful thing to grieve Who with heart can stomach how much we can stomach? All your blood in the water and I could still wade through And I will again And I will again And I will again with everyone I loose So what I want most is to live the rest of my life desperately wanting to live it I want to give that to you I want it to find you in the nothing at all And I want to be something When I say, "I want to make something of my life" That's what I mean