It’s A Hit!

Lyrics

[JOE] Listen to that! Will you listen to that! [FRANK] Do you know what that means? Let me tell you what that means— Wait, no— Anyone who even thinks it Don't say it You'll jinx it... [CHARLEY] Listen to that! [JOE] Did you listen to that? [FRANK] Does that make you feel proud? Well, feel more than just proud— Okay, wait I'll tempt fate And I'll state it out loud That's the sound of a — Hit! It's a hit! Gang, I think this is it! No more writing clever little shows For those basement saloons No more proclamations from the pros That you "can't hum the tunes"— [CHARLEY] No more sneaking in at intermission To the plays you wish you could afford— [MARY] Or producers having you audition Whenever they're bored— [CHARLEY] And who'll say right away As you play the first chord: (spoken) "Boys, boys, that is very, very, uh, what's the word? Interesting. And if I thought an audience would come to see it I would produce it in a minute. Next!" [FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE] We're a hit! We're a hit! [JOE] Standing up— The whole bit! [FRANK] No more coaching those sopranos With voices like bees— [CHARLEY] No more secondhand pianos With six broken keys— [MARY] No more agents giving you opinions As they turn you over to their minions— [FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE] Just for these Guarantees We should please Thank the Lord! It's a hit! It's a hit! [BETH] Will my folks have a fit! After all of that baloney They made me go through All that "Honey, not that he's a phony But what does he do?" Will their faces be stony When they see on their Sony Someone handing the phony The Tony Award! [FRANK, spoken] 'I would like to begin by thanking all of the hundreds of people who have turned down every show I have ever written so that I could win tonight for this one. Thank you! (sung) Listen to that! Will you listen to that? Tell me Is that a noise Or is that a noise? That is a noise We've been waiting The whole of our lives to hear! [BETH] Listen to that! Did you listen to that? Honey, is that a noise Or is that a noise? That is the loveliest noise For a bread-winning wife to hear! [FRANK] Listen to that! Will you listen to that! I can't stand it! [MARY] Listen to that! That's obscene! [JOE] That is a noise That is really a— Listen to that! Will you listen to that? Golly, I can't—listen to that! Will you listen to that? [CHARLEY] Listen to that! Fellas, that is a noise That is really a noise! I can't stand it! Will you listen to that! Will you listen to that! [BETH] Listen to that! Did you listen to that? I can't stand it! Did you listen to that! Listen to that! Will you listen to that! [FRANK] Listen to that! That is the noise I've been waiting My life to hear! Listen to that! Will you listen to that! Will you listen to that! [FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE] That's the sound of an audience Losing its mind! It's the Pope on his balcony Blessing mankind! [JOE] Folks, it's Funny Girl, Fiddler And Dolly combined! [FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE] It's a hit! It's a hit! It's a palpable hit! [FRANK & CHARLEY] If it only even runs a minute At least it's a wedge It's the theater and we're really in it Not just on the edge! [JOE] If your spirits ever need improving You can drop in any night for free! [FRANK] But the thing that's positively moving— [CHARLEY] You could have fooled me— [FRANK & CHARLEY] —Is we're still old friends! Nothing can kill old friends! [FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY] Where there's a will, old friends Don't need success to survive! [FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY & BETH] And us, old friends What's to discuss, old friends? [FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE] We've got a surefire genuine Walk-away blockbuster Lines down to Broadway Boffola sensational Box office lalapalooza gargantuan— Hit! It's a hit! It's a hit! It's a hit! It's a hit! It's a hit!