​if my dad saw he’d be mad at me..

Song Meaning

The lyrics paint a stark picture of someone struggling with self-destructive behavior, particularly excessive drinking. There's a palpable sense of shame and disappointment, especially concerning parental expectations. The narrator admits to "drinking too much," a habit they know would deeply upset their father and cause their mother to worry about their absence and potential forgetfulness. This creates an immediate emotional tension between the narrator's current actions and the idealized image their parents hold. The core conflict lies in the narrator's internal battle against a "demon" and a desire for escape, juxtaposed with the fear of disappointing their family. They're working hard and hoping for pride, yet simultaneously engaging in behaviors that would elicit anger and tears. This creates a painful dissonance, where the narrator seems trapped between a need for self-medication and the weight of familial love and judgment. The repeated phrase "Lately, I've been drinking too much" acts as a heavy, almost suffocating refrain, emphasizing the persistent nature of this struggle. The imagery of "substance on substance, till I'm dead asleep" and using "book covers as a headpiece" suggests a desperate attempt to numb feelings and find solace, even in the most makeshift ways. The longing for a simpler past, "miss being young, having dirty feet," highlights the perceived loss of innocence and the burden of current adult responsibilities. Ultimately, the effectiveness of these lyrics stems from their raw honesty and the relatable portrayal of feeling lost and disconnected from one's own life and loved ones. The narrator's vulnerability in admitting their struggles and the fear of their parents' reactions makes the emotional weight of their situation deeply resonant. It’s a poignant look at how personal crises can create a chasm between individuals and the people who care about them most.