Getting Married Today

Lyrics

[VICAR] Bless this day Pinnacle of joy Boy unites with boy The heart leaps up to behold This golden day [PAUL] Today is for Jamie Jamie, I give you the rest of my days To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever Today is for Jamie My lover, my partner, my life [JAMIE] Pardon me, is everybody there? Because if everybody's there, I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding, I'd appreciate your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things to do, and not a word of this to Paul, remember Paul, you know, the man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is- But I thank you all For the gifts and the flowers Thank you all Now it's back to the showers Don't tell Paul But I'm not getting married today [VICAR] Bless this day Opposite of joy Boy gets yoked to boy The heart sinks down and feels dead This dreadful day [JAMIE] Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for, a wedding, what's a wedding, it's a prehistoric ritual where everybody promises fidelity forever, which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, which is followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize he's saddled with a nut, and wanna kill me, like he should- So listen, thanks a bunch But I'm not getting married- Go have brunch 'Cause I'm not getting married- You've been grand But I'm not getting married- Don't just stand there I'm not getting married- And don't tell Paul But I'm not getting married today Go, can't you go? Why is no- Body listening? Goodbye Go and cry At some other person's wake If you're quick For a kick You could pick Up a christening But please On my knees There's a human life at stake! Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, or do you want to see a crazy person fall apart in front of you, it isn't only Paul who may be ruining his life, you know we'll both of us be losing our identities, I telephoned my shrink and he said maybe I should come and see him Monday, but by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage- I'm not well So I'm not getting married- You've been swell But I'm not getting married- Clear the hall 'Cause I'm not getting married- Thank you all But I'm not getting married- And don't tell Paul But I'm not getting married today [VICAR] Bless this fool Totally insane Slipping down the drain And bless this day in our hearts As it starts To rain [PAUL] Today is for Jamie [JAMIE] Go, can't you go? [PAUL] Jamie, I give you the rest of my days [JAMIE] Look, you know I adore you all But why Watch me die When I'm only being nice? [PAUL] To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever [JAMIE] Look, perhaps I'll collapse In the apse Right before you all So take Back the cake Burn the shoes And boil the rice [PAUL] Today is for Jamie, my lover, my partner, my life [JAMIE] Look, I didn't wanna have to Tell you, but I may be coming Down with hepatitis, and I Think I'm gonna faint, so if You wanna see me faint, I'll Do it happily, but wouldn't It be funnier to go and watch A funeral, so thank you for the Twenty-seven dinner plates And thirty-seven salad bowls And forty-seven picture frames Fifty-seven candleholders- [PAUL] One more thing- [JAMIE] I am not getting married! [CHOIR] Amen! [PAUL] Softly said- [JAMIE] But I'm not getting married! [CHOIR] Amen! [PAUL] With this ring- [JAMIE] Still I'm not getting married! [CHOIR] Amen! [PAUL] I thee wed [JAMIE] See, I'm not getting married! [CHOIR] Amen! [PAUL] [JAMIE] Let us pray Let us pray That we are getting married That I'm not getting married Today! Today! [CHOIR] AMEN!